"Away in a manger...."

Well, it's Christmas time again. I am happy to report that I don't want to vomit 24-7 this year. I actually wanted to put the Christmas tree up rather than do it because my hubby wanted to, and then proceed to curse, said sweet husband under my breath :). Aaaand, It's now been up for 4 days and I don't have the urge to chuck it out the window! So, yes my friends, I am making progress. I really am. The pain and sadness is like a lighting bolt. Intense and painful, then gone. It comes, I tear up, then distract myself.

I'm really trying to come to terms with "I'm NOT going to be cured" It's not a sickness that will ever disappear. I hurt because I love him and the more willing I am to accept the pain and allow it to run its course, whether it be quick or slow, the more I am able to heal. I think it sounds like an oxi-moron but Dr. Asay says it's the way to do it. That hiding the pain will only create a breakdown in the future, and let's be honest, my total breakdown last Christmas was good enough...

So... Christmas is here and by gosh golly I'm going to be jolly....

Black Friday, was THE day. The day the Christmas season began at our house.  Isaac thought the Christmas tree BOX was much more exciting than the actual Christmas tree or decorating it!  And despite not feeling well, (that fever he had Thanksgiving night turned to Pneumonia by Friday afternoon- crazy) He was pretty chipper about playing hide and seek :) 

I love this kid. He gives me a run for my money, but I really like him.

And little miss thang, did this while we decorated. Cause pretty much that's all she does. She. Is. Awesome!

--ATTICUS' CHRISTMAS TREE--

I told Eric that we may need to buy a bigger tree to put all the ornaments up and then he said something that made me tear up but was absolutely spot on... "That's the point! Atticus' loaded that sucker up till it about knocked over!" And he's right. He did. He put more "jewelry-ments" on the tiny tree than imaginable! I put up his ornaments,  he picked out turquoise sparkly ones, the ones he made with me and at school, the "jewelry-ments" I remember him taking off the family tree, and I purchased a few "A's" and picture frame ornaments. We have one of the sweetest most tender videos of him decorating this tree while singing Christmas carols... I'm choking up even writing about it. I have not watched it since our last Christmas together, 2011, and probably won't for a long time. It's one of those that you know, will knock you off your feet for days. But his little tree, however, is a happy and tender one.

Eric and I have had 7 Christmas' as a married couple . And all  7 years we have had nothing at the top or our tree. We could never decide on a angel or star we liked. After last Christmas the idea came... We will have a GOLD (for pediatric cancer) letter "A" at the top of our tree. So, to Hobby Lobby I went. I glued a 50 strand of lights to it and it turned out perfect. At the top of our tree is our "Angel Atticus."

...RAINBOW LIGHTS...

There's a story behind these rainbow lights. Last summer I was at the pool with Isaac when I noticed a woman looking over at me. I smiled (at least I hope I did, I can't really remember). She swam over to me and asked if I was Cindy Hansen, I obviously replied yes. She immediately teared up and said that she has been following my blog and asked if she could hug me. To which I obviously said yes. We talked for a bit when she anxiously stated that her husband puts up Christmas lights during the season. That they had wanted to surprise our family last Christmas by putting up rainbow lights, but thought it might be too soon and too emotional. And then asked if they could put rainbow lights on our house this year. To which I obviously started crying... The world is good. People are good. Kindness is still alive. Little does she know.. I cried that night. Her kindness and tenderness towards Atticus and our family really touched my heart.

Months passed and I wondered if it would really happen. Not because I doubted her offer, but because I know how crazy busy this time of year gets. But low and behold, I ran into her at the Sunnyvale Fall Festival and she excitedly told me that we had been put on the Christmas light calendar. I had to really focus so I wouldn't cry. Then Friday mid morning, her sweet husband showed up and spent the entire day making our house the most beautiful RAINBOW house in the world. I came out when it was half way done and burst in to tears. And when I saw the finished product, I fell apart. It was perfect. Atticus would have loved it. He would be running around and jumping and chanting, "Rainbow lights. Rainbow lights." Without even thinking, I said aloud, "This is for you sweet boy! I love you" and blew a kiss to heaven. 

I felt sheepish simply saying thank you. I had no words big enough to explain how much this meant to me. The Alexander family did a service that will touch our hearts for the rest of our Christmas' here on this earth. So although the words are much much too small for the service rendered, I again say, THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts.

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Tender pictures from our last Christmas season together...

Atticus was such a good big brother. He loved Isaac. 

Such sweet boys!

He carried his stocking everywhere!

Decorating his tree. The watch he's wearing was his favorite. I put it on him when I dressed him for the last time. Although I clipped a little off the end to keep.

I absolutely love this picture. It is SO Atticus. So official. So Grown up. Down to business. My goodness I love you sweet boy. Merry Christmas kisses to heaven. 

That year, we delivered Poinsettias to our neighbors. 

I would like to re-address this to the Brain Tumor Researchers, specifically the DIPG/PNET group... All we want for Christmas is a cure.

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Update on the other two...

This kid... is potty training. He feels like such a big boy and is loving it. I am hating it. I gives me such anxiety. I wouldn't even being doing it, but he is ready and I don't want to miss my window of opportunity. He's doing pretty good. I'm really proud of him. And although potty training is no fun, I love seeing his cute little bunsies in cute little undies!! We like to chant, "Big Boy! Big Boy!" after he's gone!!

 We went to see Dr. Straughn to recheck Isaac (who is doing great. lungs sound much better) and to make sure Isabel's cold was indeed just a cold! Love her in this sassy little outfit!

Doesn't get much better than this folks....

I'm sure Isabel is thinking, "What mess did I get myself into? Mom's singing obnoxious Christmas carols and brothers running around in undies and  his "wobble-goggles" like a maniac!"

 Welcome the Hansen clan sweet girl... we are super de-duper fun!!

Isabel is 2 months old...

(or was on the 19th!)

2 months stats... 

Weight: 10.11 lbs (35%)

Height: 21 cm (8%)

Head: 37.5 cm (27%)

Yep! She's a peanut and we love her to pieces!!

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