Radiation Day 5

January 30, 2012 Rough night. Rough morning. The weekend was awesome until 5am this morning when Atticus was hungry and I had to tell him he couldn't eat. It breaks your heart. In a million pieces. We are all loaded in the van headed to Jocelyn's to drop Isaac off with Isaac screaming, Atticus screaming, and Eric I trying to pretend this isn't our life. Atticus' poor tummy hurts him so badly. The Decodron combines with a hungry tummy is just not a good mix. Poor thing was so emotional. Wendy is our Rad/Onc nurse and is the one that calls us back. But today it was someone different and none of us were very happy about it. Especially Atticus. Atticus is routine. Change is hard for him. So, needless to say getting him "accessed" didn't go very well. He was sitting on Eric's lap, turned to me and said, "Im going to be scared." This is so hard. It is so emotionally heart breaking. I want to fix it. I want to make it okay. I want to make all the scary things go away. To make matters worse our regular radiology nurse wasn't there today either. I was NOT happy. She was the most unpleasant unhappy woman. Granted I am super duper protective, but for heaven sake, if a 4 year old walks in to a radiation room, put on a stinkin' smile. Say hi buddy. Ask how he's doing for crying out loud. It was the most scared he's been. Our regular is the cutest. We missed her. Thank goodness Dr. Davis was there, so at least it was one familiar face. I walked back to the waiting room furious and told Eric, "I don't care who I have to talk to but we are NOT having those nurses again!" Don't mess with mama bear!! And yes I did talk to people. Good news: Wendy (our regular) was just our of town for a few days. Hooray!! We get to keep her. Bad news: the unfriendly radiologist nurse stays. The cute blond was just filling. Nooooooo! At least he only see's her for a few minutes. Eric and I were expecting Atticus to wake up from sedation spitfire mad but Heavenly Father blessed him, and us, and he woke up the happiest he ever has!! He was a chatter box. After radiology we went to see Dr. Lenarsky. Atticus has gained one pound- all in his cheeks and tummy! They drew labs. Nothing out of the ordinary. Dr. Lenarsky said, he looks good. He is down to 4 mg of Decodron this week and we are hoping upon hoping that it helps him sleep better. We don't see Dr. L again until Friday, unless something comes up. He was pretty lethargic today. Very chill and sleepy. He basically wanted to lay in his bed all day. His feet have really been bothering him and are a little swollen. His eye started getting goopy on Saturday, but looked better today. All symptoms typical of a brain tumor. His port has been bothering him. I don't know if it's because he got accessed today (and he doesn't like it) or if the tape is bugging him, or what. It doesn't look red. So we'll pay close attention to that. Good discoveries, he closed his right eye all the way while sleeping. Usually it only closes half way. He is getting use of the right side of his mouth. Not a ton. But more than before! AND, he can walk on is own at times!! All these things get Eric and I so excited for when he is feeling better. He is such a sweet boy! I want him to ride his bike again, run around like a crazy man. Practice his golf swing. Really, I just want what he wants. I cannot imagine how frustrating it is for him. How confused he must be. I can't think about it too much. It's too hard. Tub time was pretty emotional tonight, so we decided to bag it and do a sponge bath. Got him in his transformer jams, brushed his teeth, read stories, sang his favorite primary songs, "Scripture Power" and "Army of Helaman" prayed and snuggled with daddy. Eric and I take turns on who gets to be the lucky one to snuggle at bedtime with him! Treasured moments. Here are a few cute things he has said recently... * "I just love our van!" * At bedtime last night he asked me, "Do you want to snuggle me for a long time or short time? A long time is fuuuuun! You get to sleep with kids!" * "Dad. At naptime, I smelled my armpits and they were spice-o-rama. I need deodorant. * Eric, heard Atticus at nap time and went to check on him... "Whoo-hoo-who!" "Oh, don't worry daddy! It's okay, Im just singing a rock star song!" * (He's been a little tooty lately, thinking he had to 'take care of business' but ended up being false alarms) "YES!! I finally figured it out. Because Im growing, I don't have to go stinkers!!" * He has started calling Eric and I Honey... "Honey? Could you get me something to eat..." * It was 3 am, I was laying in bed listening to my boys talk in the kitchen while Atticus was eating his "vegas style" buffet. He just loves his daddy, and was chatting his ear off. It was a really sweet moment. I love this boy. I love the silly things he says. I love that I find him singing made up words to primary songs. I love that although he is the one with cancer in his prayers he asks for Heavenly Father to make daddy's headache go away. I love that everything is "sweet" or "super cool." I love how soft his skin is. The feel of his little hand inside mine. His boney little bum and skinny long legs. He cute button nose. His crazy teeth. I love him. I absolutely love him. More than words can say. I am one tired mamma and hitting the sack. Goodnight, Love, Cindy