March

March 1st

Isaac was assigned to the scripture in Primary (kids class at church). He was SO excited.

He loved sitting up at the front...

And clearly felt like big stuff!

I love this handsome man.

In 2011, when Atticus was asked to give a talk in primary (2-3 minutes), He stood up there but refused to talk so I gave it for him. But not Isaac. He put his big brother to shame and loved every second of the attention. We had practiced (scriptures aren't the easiest to read) and he did AWESOME. I was so proud of him.

Isabel was VERY happy to be Isaac's seat filler in the Sunbeam class!!

Once the child has give their scripture or talk they can sit down with their class...

Isaac didn't want to. He loved being up front and center and sat there until all the kids had finished their "assignments!" I love this crazy kid.

The last hour of church is Relief Society for women 18 and older. Isabel comes with me and "purse hops" meaning she goes from "friend to friend" seeing what they have to offer her. Treats. Cool pens. Snacks. Keys. You name it. She pretty much has the whole room at her beck and call. She cracks me up. 

She is getting so big and becoming more "girly." She loves Minnie Mouse and was "washing" her and blowing her nose!

March 10th -15th

M.E.X.I.C.O. --5 days in Paradise!

March 11th

March 12th

Definitely one of my most favorite days. It was perfect.

Oh, good morning Mexico!!

The day started with massages on the beach...

Then WE SWAM WITH DOLPHINS!!

Coolest thing ever...

Wait... I take it back THIS was the coolest thing EVER...

You swim out in the water and get in a superman pose then two dolphins swim up begin you and and push you with their noses. My facial expressions perfectly describe how crazy awesome I thought it was!!

After some lunch, we spent the next 5 hours on the beach. Eric snorkeled and I read. And read. And read. Took a dip in the ocean then read. And read. And read. It was heavenly! Reading a book start to finish never happens.

March 13th

My sisters and they hubbies made it!!

We were the three amigos and spent the next two days talking and laughing!

I love love LOVE my sisters.

And this man too!!

March 14th

Sailing.. Snorkeling.. Paddle Boarding.

Eric is such a punk!! He hates pictures and refuses to pose like a normal person. This is his "Ahoy! I sail. I'm a sailor" pose. This man I tell ya!

Occasionally I'll get a "kinda smile." You'd think the man were miserable but really, he's having the time of his life. He says I physically/emotionally show enough excitement and happiness for both of us! Ha!! 

Such a fun day.

Go Eric!!

Rested. Showered. And ready to eat a yummy dinner!

After dinner, we hit up the "Club!" And shook our thangs!

Ole!

We ended our night with a picture by the "bunzie tiger." This has special meaning to us :). It was our meeting place for everything. Now we realize it's NOT a tiger, but it just made it funnier to us girls. 

Good Bye beautiful Mexico. Until next time.

March 17th

I am so LUCKY to be these kiddo's mom!

Atticus 2010

Post nap snuggles!

Isabel loves books!

March 19th

I was doing laundry and realized it was much to quiet.

THIS is why... The pantry was left opened and she helped herself to a bag of chips. 

When I saw her, she started running!!

Oh Isabel, that bag of chips is the same size as you!

Her whole body basically disappeared when she reached in for another.

"Mommy some?"

Isaac loves his super hero's.

"Mom! These are my best pals!"

March 20th

A surprise project for Eric.

He had a quick weekend trip with some buddies so I decided to surprise him with an office!

Thank you pinterst for the instructions and courage! Thank you Home Depot workers for your patience!!

I built 4 shelves (I only hung two) and his desk!! 

As if the "Secret Office" didn't keep me busy enough, this girl finds it just hilarious to put her food in her hair and all over the floor. Regularly!!

March 21st

New Worlds Spring Art Show

Isaac was so excited to show me his art projects.

The Seahorse was his favorite and what he was most excited about!!

Painting...

Play dough..

I love his tight concentrating pouty lips.

And her insistence on putting the marker lid on all by herself.

March 22nd

Sunday afternoon brought rain and new pets... One named "Frickle." "He's a five year old worm. And the dad, Michelangelo, makes them dinner!" They lasted until that night :)

March 25th

The Arboretum- Thank goodness for this beautiful distraction as I was crying my eyes out all morning missing my sweet Atticus.

Attempting to climb the tree.

Oh how I adore my little butterball.

The Arboretum has THE best grass. Like Utah grass. So we take off our shoes and play soccer.

And find cool sticks!

"I looked out the window and what did I see? Popcorn popping on the apricot tree!"

Water fountain FUN! Swimsuits are overrated!! 

Isabel was cracking me up!

March 27th

I bought sissy-girl a life jacket at Costco and she wore it around all afternoon!

March 28th

The Tower of all Towers!!

I love how proud he was of himself!

March 29th

Easter Sunday (well the Sunday before Easter)

Goodness, I love these two silly ducks.

The the three of them together... overwhelming love.

Isabel, hangin' with the Fish girls!

March 30th

Spider-Girl!! She the costume for a good hour.

March 31st

This girl has got personality for days... This is how she rolls!

It's been a rough few days/week. Missing Atticus so intense it makes me sick. I got in the car, turned on Pandora and this was the first song to play. "When will my Life Begin." Atticus LOVED this song. And he would sing, "I brush and brush my hair. I brush and brush my hair." I can't help but sob even typing it. I can hear his voice perfectly. We have a video of him singing it. He was so sick and got a little out of breath while doing it. 

The second I heard the song I burst in to tears. It sucks. It sucks so bad. I miss him. I hate those words. They are so meaningless and hold no real value. But I do. I miss him. I miss watching him make his fingers dance because he could not longer use his legs to dance. I miss his voice. I miss, HIM. 

Unless you've walked this road, you really have no idea. I had no idea until I was on it. I would never have thought a journey like this could take so much out of you and out of life. But it does. I have three lives. Pre-Cancer. Cancer. And Post-Cancer. I'm exhausted. Emotionally and physically (and we are not talking first trimester stuff). Watching Atticus battle cancer took so much... everything. And I'm exhausted. Imagine a craving that is just so intense nothing can deter you from it. A craving so strong it consumes your thoughts and you have to really focus on day to day tasks to make it through. I crave his touch. I crave the smell of his skin. I crave the sound of his voice. And nothing, nothing comes close to helping it. It is the worst type of pain. I sometimes find myself clenching my fists and teeth wanting him so badly. It's heartbreaking and nauseating and pure torture. 

Atti-bug, I love you honey. I love you so much. I am so proud of you and so so so grateful we are an eternal family. Knowing I get to see you again is what's carrying me through. I need you in my arms. Whenever Im reading or cuddling or playing with your brother and sister, I always wonder where you be sitting. What you would be playing. Or heck, you would be the one reading to us. You'd be in first grade! I am so grateful for a loving Savior who died, that we might live again. I'm so grateful for this Easter season to remind us all that death is not the end. It is the beginning of our heavenly life. We will be together again. I will hold you in my arms again. We are forever. xoxoxo, Mom 

I was sent this quote via Facebook and I post it not to say, "heck yes I am so strong" but the opposite. To remind myself when I feel like I'm failing and drowning, that I'm not. I'm doing it. Each day I wake up and try again. Some days are good and some not so good, but I'm still here and that counts for something. 

I love you. 

I love you. I love you. I love you.