The never ending post....

January 3rd

 January 6th

Seriously this has been such a yucky and sick winter. I feel like all of December at least one of us was sick, and usually two of us. And it trailed into January. Poor Isabel had diarrhea again. But even sick, this girl is so happy and sweet. In the picture below she is doing her sit ups. It cracks me up. She thinks she's pretty big stuff. Sure love my chubby girl.

January 7th

 Cute kids! I love her tiny tiny feet. And they are tiny, newborn shoes almost fit her perfectly. 0-3 Months shoes... forget about it.

She is getting too big too fast.

 January 8th

I was having a hard "Atticus" day so I took the kids to McDonald's for a distraction. Isaac was playing with some McDonald friends and this little girl smiled and smiled at her momma then fell asleep in my arms! I kiss her chubby cheekers all day long.

 January 10th

We went to the Galleria Play Place and Isaac had a ball. He was chasing these two girls around. It was pretty funny!

January 11th

Isaac is obsessed with fighting dragons! We battle them all day long, (this kid has an amazing imagination). It makes me happy to see him so happy with Santa's gifts. Santa actually gets a lot of credit for a lot of things!! Isaac is constantly saying, "Mom, did Santa get me this?  .... That is so nice of Santa!" 

Today, the Dragon was a nice dragon and they were flying!

Later that Saturday, I got to spend some time with sweet baby Caleb. I love him and all his dark furry hair. Please keep the Fish Family in your prayers. Keep on keeping on Mr. Caleb! We love you.

It's hard to see the ones we love hurting and knowing there is nothing you can do. So I didn't even attempt it. I realize our situations and trials are very different but I do remember appreciating it when people would say nothing or just simply say how sorry they were, then hold my hand and cry. So that's what I did. I held her hand and we cried.

 January 12th

Pretty for church!

 January 13th

Two years ago on this very day Atticus was diagnosed with Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma. I remember it taking me a couple days to remember the name of his cancer and had to ask Eric, "What's it called again?" Hard to believe that it happened. That any of it happened. Hard to believe we are alive to tell about it. It truly is another life. I remember in Atticus' journey that there were times for both Eric and I where no matter how hard we tried we could not get in touch with our emotions. We were completely numb. That's how part of the day was. I was half numb and half a mess. I wouldn't allow myself to think about it too much because when I did, I could feel the anxiety creep up and it made me sick. So I chose to stay numb as much as I could and ignore the day as best I could.  I new it was the only way I was going to make it through. 

Leah and I were talking the other day about trials and God's involvement in them. I'd like to quickly preface this with this, Leah has an amazing testimony of the gospel Jesus Christ and is one of the most Christ-like people I know. She is a great example to me of truly relying on the Lord. We were talking about our trials and the phrase, "God never gives you more than you can handle." A phrase that makes me cringe, although I now it's said in the most genuine loving way. Anyway, I was expressing how my anger towards Heavenly Father is almost all the way gone, but I still struggle at times. I still get so upset at times. I still wonder why him? Why a little boy that is loved and being taken care of?  Why not a child who is neglected or deprived? Why hasn't He helped someone find a cure for this terrible cancer? Why is the suffering so intense? Why was I left behind? These "Why's" can snowball pretty quickly. And pretty soon I'm drowning in the "Why's" and suffocating. Seeing my grievance therapist has really helped me control it but I am human, and still struggle.

So Leah and I were talking, and she said something that really hit me. Something that I need to keep close to my heart. Especially on those days where I feel like I am alone. On the days where I feel like  Heavenly Father doesn't care. She said this, "He is up there crying with us and for us. He hates that we are hurting. 

It really made me think. Yes it sucks. BIG TIME. Yes it hurts. BIG TIME. And no, it's NOT fair. But...Heavenly Father isn't up there orchestrating trials. He's not up there saying, "Zap! Trial for you." or "Boom! Your world will now crumble." Life happens. Good and bad. But he is not up their saying, "Ok Cindy... (evil chuckle) Let's try this one on for size." Why certain trial are given to certain people, I don't know. No one does, but what I am going to try hard really hard to remember on those hard days is that  Heavenly Father loves me. He is crying with me and for me. And for whatever reason, He couldn't take this burden from us, but one day, it will all make sense and the pain will be gone. One day, when Atticus is in my arms again, I will forget he was ever gone from my arms. And that.... is I day I am anxiously waiting for. Because my goodness I miss him.

January 14th

Just cause she's so stinkin' cute.

January 15th 

Dr. Reddy... Pediatric Dentist

In December I took Isaac to get his teeth cleaned at our family dentist. They said that he had two cavities and I totally cried. I felt like a horrible mother. My TWO year old had cavities. I assured them that, ok, maybe I don't always brush his teeth in the morning but I ALWAYS do at night. Always. I felt like a failure. So we went to see a Pediatric Dentist to discuss the cavities. This guy was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Truly. Isaac cooperated so well last time, I think because he didn't know what was coming, and wasn't too excited about going to the dentist again, but, Dr. Reddy is brilliant. He blew up a glove to make "Nemo." Asked Isaac where he should draw the eyes. Asked him where the nose should be. Where the mouth should be... Then said, he needs teeth. I forgot how to draw teeth. Can you open up so I can look at yours? And walla!! Isn't that brilliant?!

The good news... Isaac's teeth are great and he does NOT have cavities. Just iron deposits. Im not a bad mom after all! Hooray!!

Isabel was a very good support system for Isaac and was all smiles during the appointment. 

We really like her. Even if she won't take a bottle. Ever. Seriously.

January 16th

Rub-a-dub-dub, TWO kids in the tub. I know it's silly, but it's really nice to see two kids in the tub again. And even though there should be three, I was smiling ear to ear giving these two a bath.

Our short and pudgy, pudge-pudge!!

And her maniac wild man brother!!

January 16th

I love this kid. I really do. He is sweet, exhausting, silly, witty, feisty, entertaining, sassy, and one fun boy to talk to. He's got a great imagination and a ridiculously cute smile! He tries my patience like no other but I love him. I really do.

He was being so silly....

... and loves to "shaving cream paint."

January 17th

Doing what boys do!

Scooping up the dirt...

... and letting it fly! Who doesn't like a little dirt shower right?!

January 18th

Isabel has the sweetest little laugh. And we are getting to hear it more and more.

I feel like Isaac looks like a scrounge most of the time. His hair is out of control. I comb it to look "handsome" then five seconds later... He looks like a homeless kid. So, we went short. He looks so BIG and so handsome!

January 19th

I asked if I could take his picture and this is what I got!! And yes, It was freezing that day. And no, he wouldn't wear pants, just his Batman "soccer" socks. Maybe his attire contributes to his looking homeless?! I have definitely relaxed in this department and many times think, "Ahh, what the heck? You want to wear that today? Sure. Why not!" 

Within reason folks.. Let's not call child services on me.

According to Isaac:

1. "Lets go on an aBenture!" (Adventure)

2. We have been talking a lot about his birthday (February 10th) and that he will be 3 years old. He's been working really hard on doing the number three on his hand. Anyway, I told him he will be three, then four then five... he said, "WOW!! I'll be ALL the numbers!"

3. EVERYTHING is "One Nation under God." Like... Mom, this recipe says 41 million quarter cups, one nation under God." Im assuming they say the pledge of allegiance at school?!

4. Eric was giving me a kiss and a hug in the kitchen and Isaac said, "Dad, don't kiss your sister." Eric informed him that I am his wife... his sweetheart. To which Isaac put thought for a moment then said, "Well I have a sweetheart!" (I thought he maybe had a crush on a cute little girl in preschool)... "I have a sweetheart upstairs asleep in her crib!" It was the sweetest thing!

5. "Mom? Can I have a GranElla bar?" (Granola bar)

6. We were playing with the light sabers and I said "haha... I have two light sabers to battle!" to which Isaac said in a very sweet and concerned voice, "But Mommmmy, you gotta save one of the light sabers for Darth Vader!"

7. He has a few little notebooks from Christmas and from when school started, Im talking like little little mini tiny ones. Anyway, he likes to stack them together along with scrap paper I have cut up to write notes/lists on and call it his "work" and if the papers get out of sort, he asks me to "organize his work. Just like daddy!"

8. "Mom! If your going to feed Isabel, then I want to watch one hundred billion shows!"

9. I always give Isaac two choice... the right choice or time out. Well he has started giving me choices. "Ok Mom. You have two choices, Do you choose to get my lego's or go to time out?" I chose to get his lego's and he said, "Good choice mom!"

10. He has been really wanting to go to Utah and I explained that we needed to save our money to buy plane tickets. He ran and got some change he had in one of his treasure spots and said (very excitedly), "Heres money! .... I want someone to take us to the airport!"

11. Talking to Isabel, "Whose a sweet girl?!?!"

12. Weird quark: He does NOT like his shoes to get wet. And flips out. So I have to carry him if it's raining or has rained.

Another "Just because" picture.

Isabel is 4 months old!

Oh this girl! How I adore her.

If she's not sucking her thumb, she's eating her hands! Always.

LOVE LOVE LOOOVE her chubby little legs! There's an additional fabulous chubby roll hidden by her diaper!

 

The little stinker would not leave the sticker alone and kept taking it off!

... So it had to go to the side!

Another awesome chubby leg shot!

Love her! 

4 Months Stats

Height: 24 in" (19%)

Weight: 13.13 (22%)

Head: 40 cm (23%)

Yep! She's still our chubby peanut and we love her to pieces. 

She rolls side to side but not all the way over. As mentioned she is either sucking her thumb or eating her hands. Always. She is an AWESOME sleeper and either sleeps 7pm-5am, nurses, then sleeps till 8am OR sleep 7pm-8am straight! She is SUCH a good baby. She's got some funny little quirks. When you stand her up, she will not put her feet together. She likes to be held facing out. She does not like to sit down, well, she will but you have pretty much force her to bend her legs :). She is starting to grab for toys and loves her momma! She like big brother too, but from a distance!! He's a bit.... intense for her and on occasion, has loved her to tears. Gentle is not something Isaac familiar with! She has found her tongue and is very proud of it. She is the QUEEN of blowouts.  For real. She always has blowouts. Just ask anyone. She has finally stopped crying in the car seat (yay!). And is fine with being in the baby ergo while I vacuum! I am still anti- calling her Izzy but do call her Izzy-Bizzy. But mostly we call her Isabel, Sister-Sue, Sissy-Girl, or little pudge pudge!

While Isabel was getting her pictures taken, Isaac perfecting his jumping skills!

Which eventually led to being topless! He's cool like that!

January 21st

I love her little "dear in the headlights" eyes!

January 24th

He makes me smile!

She started in this outfit...

And ended in this one. Outfit changes are a frequent occurrence. And not because the girl has a closet full of clothes. Drives me crazy.

Look at her cute little pudge pudge checkers!

Isaac CRACKS ME UP! He begged me to get a steamer. Target has a Starbucks inside so we grabbed a vanilla steamer before we shopped. But he of course wanted to drink it there. And again, I caved.

He was so excited and was being so cute. He kept saying, "Mmm Mm Mm. This is a yummy hot steamer!" and "This is DE-licious!" and "Mom? Can you tell Isabel that big brother is drinking his hot steamer?!" This kid is very animated in everything he does.

January 25th

My cousin Heidi her hubby Patrick and cute chubber Catherine were in town from Arizona for the day and were nice enough to hang out with us. We hadn't seen each other in 8 years! What's great about family, is that even thought it had been 8 years, it was as if it was only 8 days. It was so fun to catch up. 

The cute kiddos

Another plus with family.... you can wear pajamas and they won't judge!!

January 26th

Seriously amazing bread. My friend brought a loaf over and we loved it so much I needed to make more. Unfortunately, the recipe makes 6 loaves, which of course required me to eat an entire loaf myself. Naturally.

January 27th

Kinda obsessed with her cheeks!

Play date at Collins house...

And Isabel was the "baby doll!" With mommy's supervision of course!

Then Isaac needed a turn!

January 28th

Isabel's first Footprint art 2014!

Isaac 2014

January 29th

S.O.C.C.E.R and it was a BIG hit. He seriously did not stop talking about it for days. I don't have the heart to tell him that I didn't sign him up, we just went to the free class :(

Doing his "warm up stretches!"

He had SOOO much fun.

I love his "too cool for school" pose!

The "coach" had them laughing!

Listening very intensely to instructions!

He is so big!!!

Next year buddy. Next year!

January 30th

Proof she grabs toys! And yes her sweater is too small but I love it so very much.

Wild woman hair!

It was super windy and we were bored so I took the kids to McDonald's to play (not eat... I do limit our fast food... most the time!). We were the only ones there and it actually was really fun. I laid a blanket down for Isabel and Isaac did all sorts of cool tricks...

It's a good thing his smile is so cute, cause there are some days....

January 31st

Isabel's 4 month check up with the worlds best pediatrician, Dr. Straughn

Every time. Every time, we walk into building B my heart races and I get a quick shot of anxiety. Every time we walk in I remember taking Atticus in for his appointment. Talk about life changing appointment huh?! This particular visit was especially emotionally for some reason. As I pushed the stroller, Isaac ahead of me, I thought to myself, "Wow. This was the exact scenario. Atticus in front, wanting to push the elevator button. Isaac, in the stroller, just a baby. We didn't know what was coming..

We sure love Dr. Straughn and are so grateful for all he does for us. Isabel did great at the appointment and although short... as Dr. Straughn said, "She's not missing any meals!!" If you look closely... You'll see a picture of Mr. Atticus on his patient picture board (Orange Longhorn shirt)!

Isaac aka Anakin! 

He makes a mean Jedi

And Isabel makes a pretty darn cute audience!

February 1st

I had just gotten done pumping, when Isaac grabs it and says, "Mom! this is my verrry special gun that blasts MILK at the bad guys!" I busted up laughing!

He then told me he was "feeding" sister! Awesome!!

This sweet little red headed boy has been heavy on my heart. I always miss him, but it's been more intense the last week or so... I love you my beautiful blue eyed boy!

February 2nd

Super Bowl Party

Yummy food. Good company. Football and wild kids... what more could we ask for!

11 Adults - 13 kids!

February 3rd

Rockwall Story time

He slept through the first part...

Then decided to join the party!

Mrs. Miller, the story time leader, is awesome! She does a great job and while Isaac and I were  making the post story time craft... she did the baby story time songs with Isabel! Isaac, ran over to tell her that he finished his wind sock!

That had this cute backdrop... and we put it to good use!

I've decided that angling my heard us crucial. My head titled to the right gives me a chubby face (because surely my face is not chubby for eating sweets every day!)

My face angled to the slight left.... better.

Angled kinda in the middle... not too bad.

Isabel doing her crunches..

Well hello pudge pudge!!

Sometimes you just have to laugh at motherhood (otherwise you'll scream and cry). I was nursing Isabel while Isaac insisted that he too needed to be on my lap. Space is something kids don't quite grasp! Good thing their cute.