Imagine Dragons

February 15th

He told me that I couldn't play soccer because I am a mommy. Only he and Daddy could!

February 17th

We were having a picnic lunch with friends at the park when I saw a familiar car!!

Sgt. Jacks was so good to let the kids crawl in the back seat of his SUV. He turned on the lights and sirens for them too! We love you Sgt. Jacks!

February 18th

Big BIG day! Isabel rolled over for the first time. From her back to her tummy! Hooray Isabel!!

Isaac and I were cracking up. He tried no less then 5 times to get one yogurt covered raisin in his mouth. And no less then 5 times did he drop the silly thing!

According to Isaac:

- He got a $5 bill in a birthday card and when he looked at it he said, "Whaaat??? There's a Daddy on my dollar?!"

- "Do you know why I'm not gonna get hurt?! Because I'm THREE!"

- We were watching the Disney channel and it showed the castle at Disneyland when he excitedly yelled, "There's the Temple Mom!"

- He had his big stuffed dragon and a little dragon figurine and said, "I brought you dragons a handful of Snaaaaaaacks!" (said in a sing-song voice!)

- After I put a band aid on his knee,  he jumped up and pumped his arms in the air and said, "I feel GREAT!"

Crossed feet! 

Even on her tummy she is lady-like!

February 19th

Two of my three thumb suckers!

He wanted the dragon to fly him to Utah!

ISABEL IS 5 MONTHS OLD!

Isaac's smile is so contagious! 

Love her little faces!

Why is she naked you ask? Because she had a blowout of course!

Love that cute little tushy!

My sleeping beauty!

Why hello princess!

Isaac's got such a great imagination. He had filled the cup with water and rubber bands, then got skewers to "catch the fish!"

February 20th

ISABEL-- STOP GROWING!!!

February 21st

IMAGINE DRAGONS

I've only been to a few concerts but I can honestly say that this was THE MOST FUN concert I have ever been too. Yes having incredible seats (we were in the pit) helped, but seriously. These guys are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. They are so good live. Like SO good. You leave their concert liking them better than you did before. I danced and sang my heart out and Eric did a little himself ;). He's so good to put up with me. 

So crazy thing, while in Waco (Eric went to Baylor Law School), my sweet friend Emily was telling me about her cousin that was in a bad and all about how there were getting started and stuff-- low and behold, they are THE Imagine Dragons!!

I totally wanted to yell out, "I practically know you! I friends with your awesome cousin Emily!" But I think Eric would have killed me...

This is going to sound totally lame, but it was actually really cool. So in one of the songs, everyone turned their cell phone flashlights on and the whole place lit up. It was really really cool. Another cool thing, The band mentioned a 17yr old friend of theirs, I believe his name was Tyler or Tyson, that battled cancer and had passed, yes I cried and I so badly wanted to yell out, "I love you Atticus" but didn't want to take anything away from the friend they were honoring. It's always a tender but appreciated moment when people remember the brave souls who fight a battle that shouldn't have to be fought in the first place.

These HUGE confetti filled balloons popped right above us!

Thanks for hooking us up with the tickets Channing! You're the best!

Love this man. Who the heck is the chubby girl next to him? Yikes!!! 

Heeeeck yes we were that close. It was AWESOME! At one point in the concert Dan Reynolds, the lead singer, walked down the aisle and I totally could have grabbed his arm but again, I think I would totally embarrassed the hubby... I clearly have no shame in being a "groupie!"

Thank you Em for the T-Shirt! Wish you were there to rock out with us!

February 22nd

Daddy told Isaac that if he was good for the babysitter he would take him to see the LEGO movie the next day. Isaac's not huge into movies but was SO excited. Eric said he did good for the first 45 min- until his snacks ran out. Ha! Isaac said the movie was "so good." But what he really liked was that they got ice cream after! 

February 23rd

I consider myself a pretty good cook. But for the life of me I CAN NOT make good chocolate cookies. I say that not for pity or fishing for compliments. It is the absolute truth. Well, after 7 years of marriage and attempts to make my husbands favorite cookie... (drum roll)... I finally made super yummy chocolate chip cookies! It was a VERY big day at the Hansen house. 

February 24th

I know it's blurry but I love how Isabel is smiling at Isaac!

The weather was nice so Isabel got to watch while Isaac and I played Frisbee!

He loves to be outside. And also loooooooves his basketball shorts. They only way I can bribe him to wear pants at school is to tell him the second we get home he can get back into his shorts. 

February 26th

Perot Museum. SO much fun. Thanks for the free pass Leslie!!

Checking out "Mars!"

The museum is seriously awesome. I didn't take too many pictures but Isaac had a ball. He loved the elevators-- they were glass on two sides so you could see the other elevators and wave to the people passing by. Very exciting. He also LOVED racing the dinosaur. They have a "track" set up and you can choose your opponent (dinosaur, cheetah, famous people) and then you race to see your time and the opponents time. Isaac could have done it for hours. It was so cute. He got in race position, but some girls giggled, not to make fun, but because it was so stinkin' cute, and he got embarrassed so he didn't get in "racer stance" again. He loved it!

Checking out the fossils, that just happen to have been found IN Texas!

Art project time!

The children play area was so cute. They had a conveyor belt to put blocks on and Isaac was very in to it and asked for a "worker-man" vest! 

Miss Izzy-Bizzy. She had on a different outfit but you know her track record. I pack 3 outfits when we are going on an outing :). Huggies- Pampers- Size up... it doesn't matter. The girls a loose cannon.

*******

Now, for some serious business. Mr. Atticus, your killin' me pal. This grieving thing sucks. Big time. It's definitely not for sissy's or the faint of heart... 

For whatever reason, a very hard memory is coming to me, multiple times a day. Like the other day, it came 3 times before 9am. It's the memory of the first time I saw him at the funeral home to get him dressed. As you can imagine, it was a very traumatic experience. I totally lost it. Totally flipped out. Then got my act together and did what I needed to do. I remember being shocked at how big the incision was to take out your tumor and that there was a thread left untrimmed so I trimmed it. I held your cold little hand and clipped your nails, trimmed your hair, kissed your hard lips no less than a million times, told you that mommy was going to make you so handsome, and that even though you are going to be mad, I'm putting spikes in your hair, cause they really are cool bud! I remember looking over your body, the scars and bruising from your medi-port and shunt removal and from that horrible sticky tape we hated so much. I remember crying as I got you dressed because I couldn't figure out how to. I remember part of me dying as I put you in your bodies resting place and thinking to myself, "I can no longer  be a functioning person. This is too much. This is just too flipping much."

Every time that stink in' memory comes I want to run and hide. I want to pull the covers over my eyes, cry, and then sleep for days.  I find myself clenching my fists wanting to hold your hands so badly. I want to kiss your sweet chubby lips. I want to look at your soft sprinkling of freckles across your cheeks.

And you know what really sucks? Is there is nothing, nothing I can do to fix it. There is nothing that can or will replace the whole in my heart. After the Imagine Dragons concert, I was missing the kids, so I gave Isaac a kiss and a snuggle. I went and checked on Isabel and squeezed her little hand. But when I miss Atticus, (I always miss Atticus, but you get what I'm saying) there is nothing I can do.. I can kiss a picture- awesome. I can hold a ceramic mold of his hand- that sounds awesome. I can visit a freaking cemetery- hooray. So I eat. Hence me being the heaviest I have ever been. It's something tangible.  I feel full or sick cause I eat too much, but at least I am able to "fix" something. At least I am able to instantly feel the results. But with the good comes the bad. Eating distracts me from the Atticus emotions but my self esteem is in the crapper. I'm trying really hard to figure something out but sometimes I just want to throw myself a pity party... "Are you kidding me? not only do I have to play these mind games to get me to stop thinking about these terrible horrible events and how much I miss my son, but now Im overweight have to figure how to fit in my pants again and figure out how to stop eating and deal with self image issues? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel. Shouldn't people who are given such trials be given the gift of being thin the rest of their lives while continuing to eat oreos and cinnamon rolls and whatever else they see fit?"

And that's my pity party. I've got to find a replacement for food... cause we all know that until I see my sweet and spunky Atticus again, that wholes going to be there.