Yesterday Isabel turned 3 weeks old!
October 4th
I know it's not a great picture but I just love how he loves to snuggle her.
October 4th
I know it's not a great picture but I just love how he loves to snuggle her.
October 5th
Grandma Lori came!!
October 6th
Love the baby stretch!
October 7th
I feel like I'm playing doll... dressing her and putting all these fun bows and clips in her hair!
Grandma Lori has the magic touch and got her to sleep 4 hours! At night!!
While on a walk with Grandma, she found her thumb!
October 8th
He first real bath. She didn't enjoy it!
Donuts... Clearly Isaac did NOT want to be in the picture, little stink!
Miss Isabel doesn't love the car seat! But she makes a super cute fussy face!
I seriously love this girl!
October 9th
The Dallas Arboretum... Pumpkin Time!!
He was having so much fun swinging the chain!
He was telling me all about a squirrel he was chasing!
I seriously had to force him to take a picture with me :)
After her tummy was full, she slept through the whole event...
and Grandma Lori was more than willing to hold her while she slept!!
Me and me madre
Snuggle buggle time!
I really do think her fussy face is so cute! Don't you just want to kiss her?!
October 10th
Isaac has been all about having "dance parties" in daddy's office! And although refuses to be in any pictures smiling with Grandma or anyone for that matter, he has had so much fun with her.
I LOOOVE this boy! He's a stink but I love him! His smile makes me smile!
Last night (Oct. 10), Isaac crawled up on my bed right next to Isabel, who was sad, got cheek to cheek with her and said, "I love you Isabel!" Then started singing a song he made up, "The happy face. The happy face. The happy face for you!" It was really sweet!
He also told Eric, on his way out the door for work this morning (Oct. 11) that he wants to be "Sad and sassy! Because he's going to work!" He is such a stink!!
Doritos... breakfast of champions. In my defense he had already had yogurt and crunchies (yogurt with granola)!
He just looooves to smother her!!
"Isabel! Hold my hand!!"
Two of my three darling kiddo's!
Isabel's shoe collection! No joke. And I only bought 3 on clearance! She has been very spoiled!
Halloween Dress up....
She got this darling onesie from Grandma Karyn. Mom and I decided to play dress up with Isabel and take a few pictures!! She's a good sport....
Is she not the cutest thing you have ever seen!!
I really like her.
As mentioned earlier, Isaac is not keen on having pictures taken with people so this was us trying to be sneaky so we could get at least one or two with my mom and the kids!
Grandma Lori leaves early tomorrow morning and we are sad to see her go. It has been a great trip. She has been a huge help. We will all miss her but I think little miss Isabel may miss her the most, I don't think Grandma has put her down for more than a half a second!! We love you Grandma Lori!
* * * * * * *
.. Atticus..
This 3rd week has been emotionally hard for me. Atticus memories and tears are super close to the surface. I miss him so much I can't see straight. Four nights in a row I have woken up in the middle of the night in tears because, even in my dreams I am missing him. The 3 am feedings are killer. My mind starts wondering.... Something makes me think of the color yellow.. Yellow.. Atticus' wheelchair was yellow.. which leads to his Police Adventure, which leads to him saluting the Sunnyvale Police Department, which leads to his last week of life... which leads to a punch in the stomach and tears.
I was on my way home from dropping Isaac off at preschool and looked in my rear view mirror and... punch in the stomach, behind me is the Police SUV that drove Atticus in his BYU blue casket to the cemetery. I cried my eyes out. Its like it's a totally different life. Definitely not mine. My sweet friend Steph who also lost a little blond haired blue eyed hero to DIPG said it perfectly, "We have two different lives now, before cancer and after cancer." I miss him so much. It times like this that you forget all the progress you've made and feel like your sinking in quick sand. It's just so surreal. I know that he and Isabel got to spend time together but I sure wish I could see all my kids together. Here. Right now. I am so so so grateful for eternal families and the knowledge that we will see him again. We will get the chance to raise him. And that he is happy and whole. I just can't believe it happened at all, and like it or not, our trial to keep on keeping on, just keeps keeping on....
My Hot Wheels lovin' boy. Hard to believe this was less than a month before diagnosis huh?
I sure miss this squishy faced goof troop. What I would give to kiss those lips and snuggle in that hospital bed with him. I love you Atticus. Like love love LOVE. xoxoxo
6 comments:
Our family is loving seeing all the beautiful pictures of Isabel, its so funny when the girls see her wearing a flower or bow or headband we sent they get so excited. I love seeing the joy they are learning about being a friend, even when we don't know each other. The girls are dying to put together another little package for you and I really want to send you things that you need the most. I have clothes for a girl up to the 6-12 month size, and in a few months i will have lots of 12-18 month stuff. I don't know how much it cools down in Texan during fall and winter but I have some really cute newborn to 3 month summer outfits, or I could send you all the stuff she wore this last summer which would be some 6-12 months and some 12-18 month stuff. Our 13 year old son would also like to send something for "Chunk", he doesn't want Issac to feel left out, what is he really into right now, something that would give him some serious occupied time so you could have some time for you. I have no problems with you being honest with what you need, I don't want to send you stuff that you can't use and then it just ends up being a hassle trying to get rid of it. We are sending this package no matter what, so please please please let me know what you need the most.
Isabel is sooooooo adorable...especially love the pic with the little clip and leggings. Sorry you're having a sad miss Atticus week, but I know you're sweet testimony of eternal families can see you through. Xo
A few weeks ago my sister told me that my nephews still talk about the baby I lost. She said one night before bed they asked her if I'm still sad. They wondered if she was still little in heaven, or if she was big.
And oh, my heart.
It's been two years and my life now is so different from the one I had then, when my first pregnancy ended and my little baby died. I have another baby to think about and take care of now, and there isn't as much space in my mind to fill up thinking about my little girl all day. Or even every day. That thought alone makes me feel so sad. I can't help but feel some guilt over it. What kind of mother doesn't think about her child daily? Even one that's not here on earth anymore?
But no. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for the passing of time, and I'm thankful that God is giving me exactly what I prayed so hard for-- a little bit of comfort and a little bit of peace. It keeps getting easier.
There are times when I look at Ralphie and wonder if he looks like what she would have looked like. There are times when I hear of another woman going through the shock and sadness of losing a baby. Those are the times my heart breaks all over again. I'm able to mend it back together pretty quickly, but it breaks all the same. And I'm glad for that too. It's good to remember her, even when it hurts.
Of course, it's this time of year that I remember her more often. She was born on a sunny fall day, and the trees that lined the street where we lived turned a brilliant shade of yellow the week we lost her. Those yellow leaves remind me of her so much.
I would love to nibble Isabel's toes! She is Truly Scrumptious. I love how sweet Chunk is about her. I bet he likes being the big brother.
I pray you will find peace more and more often, and that memories of Atticus will not be so sharply painful.
My 7 month old grandson has Atticus as his middle name. :)
Isabel is too cute!! i'm expecting a lil girl in February and seeing the pics of her just makes me more excited!!!
Oh my goodness where do I start. I love every single picture as always. I would kiss Isabel over and over if I could. Isaac IS a stink but a really cute sweet stink at that. I LOVE the picture of Isabel and her shoes. One of my all time favs. For sure.
It IS hard to believe that his picture was take a month before diagnosis. The two lives comment makes complete sense. Thank goodness for the knowledge you have to get you through days and hours that seem unbearable. Hang in there. Love you.
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