Atticus Week Events..

Friday May 17, 2013

Atticus' monument was completed and placed. For an incredibly horrible thing, it turned out perfectly. I "love" (in a crappy stupid sort of way) how Atticus' signature and hand print turned out and the bold font. The back of the monument says, "Families are forever."

Anticipation is horrible and let's your mind go wild. It took me a very long time to be ready to do his monument, to finalize his sweet little bodies resting place. But I'm glad it's done and glad it's there. It's just right for him. Stacie was in town and was able to man Isaac and it's a good thing, because as soon as I got out of the van I lost it. It so final you know? The last thing I have to do. And it's hard. We just cried and watched with such disbelief as Spradling Monument did their final touches. It still is so surreal. I just can't believe it all happened. That he is gone and that this is what has happened. Not to throw a pity party for myself or anything, but sometimes, I think and feel like there is no way I will ever be the same person again. No way neither one of us will. We saw and did too much.

Going through extreme situations makes you think crazy irrational thoughts. Thoughts like, I hope they have to dig while installing the monument... I wanted to jump in and open the stupid vault to hold him. I know his spirit is in heaven, but I miss his body. Miss his little hands and button nose.

Atticus Hansen Week

May 20th - May 27th 2013

Monday:
We put up Atticus' sign and balloons. Thanks again for making the posters Ang.

Isaac was reading "Atticus' Gospel ABC" book.

We are so glad Auntie Stacie was able to be here with us.

Hot Wheels balloon for our sweet boy.

Mrs. Cherry sent me this picture....

That is the "Atticus Tree" we purchased for New World.

And this is the plaque that Gloria, the school director had made. We love New World so much.
 

Tuesday:
I have been wanting to do this for about 9 months. But knew I had to be "ready." I spent a lot of time trying to find the right toy bin and thinking of what I wanted the sign to say. I didn't want the other cancer fighting kiddo's to know that our fighter didn't make, but to know how much Atticus loved going to the secret room. It was what got Atticus through those tough days when he didn't want go in and be poked and prodded anymore. It stopped the tears when we talked about going in to the secret room. And for that, I will forever be grateful. So Tuesday was the day, it was time to take "Atticus' Toy Chest to Dr. Lenarsky.

I nearly didn't make it. Stacie and I drove in silence with tears streaming down both our faces. And I'm not going to lie, if Stacie wasn't in the car with me, I wouldn't have been too upset if a big old truck rammed in to me. Obviously I wasn't thinking rationally, I could never and would never leave my husband Isaac or baby to be, but man, days like this make it really hard to move forward.

Once there and getting off the elevator on the 4th floor, I saw the, "I can Survive" sign, the sign that Eric and I hated with a passion, and lost it. I started hyperventilation, crying my eyes out, and wanted to escape. Poor Stacie, holding this big toy chest, me flipping out, thankfully some hospital employee helped me to the Oncology office where I plopped in a chair and had a pretty good meltdown. All I could think of was My sweet chubby Atticus lifting his shirt up so they could get to his port. And how much I missed the look of his chubby tummy and watching my brave boy help Marianne and Amanda shake the blood vials. All I could think of was how much I wanted him back. How much I took for granted and how much I need him. Because I do. I need him. I took so much for granted and I want to go back.

The sign says, "Atticus was the worlds biggest Hot Wheels fan. He had over 250 racers! He fought a very brave battle just like you. We hope Dr. Lenarsky's secret room brings you as much happiness as it did for Atticus. Love, the Hansen Family

Wednesday:
We got a huge storm Tuesday afternoon so Isaac and I went to check on Atticus' spot and clean it up! Thankfully, aside from a few misplaced cars, all was well.

That afternoon, we took Hot Wheels race cars to the park to hand out to friends. 

Thursday:

Planted orange flowers for Atticus

(Isaac helped himself and started watering the flowers at the nursery!!)

One of Atticus' favorite parks with Daddy for lunch

Friday: An emotional day and spent most the day in tears

Saturday:
Wore our Superhero shirts. Thank you Jene for being the creative mind behind our Atticus shirts.

Our FAVORITE Superhero!!

Sunday: An emotional day. Cried all morning. Cried during our main meeting at church.

Thoughtful family and friends:

My brother Spencer sent me this text... Superhero shirt and awareness ribbon pin

My sister Jenny sent me this picture.... orange and blue for Atticus

My Bro-in-Law Dustin sent this text, "Can't think of a better way to remember Atti then at the Indy 500."

My sweet friend Sarah, whose little guy is fighting his own brave battle... please keep Andrew in your prayers.

Sweet Jocelyn, who was in NYC during Atticus week, went to the museum and sent me this pic...

my favorite art piece from Atticus, framed and in his bedroom!

We received sweet cards and texts with people sending love thoughts and prayers our way. All our family members and a few friends put their "Atticus"signs up in their yards....

We really are so blessed to be loved and supported by so many amazing people. THANK YOU. Thank you for loving us and loving our sweet Atticus. Thank you for remembering him this week. Thank you for going out of your way to honor him. It means so much to us.

This week was for you sweet boy. I am so honored to be your mom. You have blessed our lives and continue to do so. We miss you more than words can say and are so grateful to know that we will see you again. That our family is eternal and that YOU are one of Heavenly Fathers finest.          xoxoxo

(Atticus week Last year...)

 "Sunnyvale loves Atticus Hansen!"