I want to start by saying THANK YOU. We recieved so many letters supporting us on this difficult day. I wish I could hug and kiss each one of you. I cannot begin to describe how happy it made my heart. We will be opening and reading them today. You all have made Eric and I want to be better people. To reach out and support others more. You will never know how strongly you have impacted our lives. "Strangers that are now friends" have truly become friends. People I have never met I feel like I know and know well. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking time out of this busy time of year to help carry us through. Thank you for showing us the importance of stepping out of your own life to do something good for another.
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Today our sweet Atticus would be turning five. It's so hard to believe that instead of planning a birthday party, which I'm sure would have been a "hot wheels" party, we planned a funeral 6 months ago.
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Eric and I had been married one year. Life was good. He was in his quarter of law school. I was working as a leasing agent. We had our "paper plan" of what we wanted when and were on our way. We wanted to start our family during his last year law school.
I had picked Eric up from school. We were headed home and things were "off." And had been for a little bit. Neither one of us could figure out why. Our marriage was good. School kept Eric busy but good. We were enjoying Texas. Finances were tight but do-able... Eric and I discussed each item when he said, "Cindy, do think its not something but someone that's missing?" I was brought to tears and agreed.
One month later I was jumping up and down because the "stick" had two lines. We were having a baby!!
I LOVED being pregnant. I was so anxious for my tummy to pop, so excited to wear maternity clothes, so excited to have my own sweet little baby. We anxiously waited for our sonogram, and were both excited and shocked to be having a boy. Dr. Moore said, "Way to put the stem on the 'ol apple!" (gotta love Texas). I turned to Eric with a nervous but enormous smile on my face and said, "What am I going to do with a boy? I'm so girly?" He said, "You'll play in the dirt, run, play ball, all that fun stuff!"
We went to iHop, of all places, to celebrate over pancakes. We were having a BOY.
My due date was December 16, 2007, but Mr. Atticus had absolutely NO desire on making his appearance any time soon and did NOT want to come out. I was induced on the 17th and at 1:01 pm Atticus entered the world. I have NEVER loved like that. Such instant protective intense love.
I laid in the bed and watched my husband hold our little boys hand as tears streamed down both our cheeks. Our fuzzy little red had made it...
Welcome to the world Atticus!
7 pounds 8 ounces
20.8 inches
1:11 pm December 17, 2007
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He was the cutest little stinker you ever met. He cried for about 3 months straight. I remember His blessing day. Eric gave him such a sweet tender blessing. People commented on what a good baby he was, as he did not make a peep, I exhausted-ly said, "It's because he was up screaming all night!"
Once we got him sleeping good (which means mom and dad were sleeping good) we turned a new leaf and decide we didnt' mind this parenting thing after all. 6 months in is when things got really fun. Each month got better and better. We had SO much fun together. We really did. We were buddies. Every Friday we would follow the Waco, TX sanitation crew all the way down the ally as the emptied each garbage can. Then as we walked back to our duplex, we would close each lid and take Miss Becky's garbage can back under her carport. Every Friday.
ATTICUS' 1st Birthday...
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His party with Mom and Dad on his actual birthday in TX
His party in Utah!
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When Atticus was just teeny tiny, Uncle Chris got us all singing the Ice-Cream song...
"You 'Cus. I 'Cus. We all 'Cus for ATTICUS!"
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ATTICUS' 2nd Birthday...
"Chugga-chugga choo-choo! Atticus is turning two!"
This boy and his BALLOONS! Atticus loved balloons. And for that reason I was hoping to hide them until right before the party started... He found them. This is exactly what happened (I wish i had it on video): He gasped, clenched his fists and shook with excitement. Ran over to the laundry room door, peeked his head around the corner and said (with great enthusiasm) WHAT?!?! My balloons! Then proceeded to show everyone and take them everywhere! We were laughing so hard.
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His party was at 10am so I had everything set up bright and early! He came down the stairs, gasped and said, "Mom thank you for my birthday party!" He took each drink down and told me which car was which and thanked me over and over again saying, "these are my special birthday drinks." I made a few varieties of muffins and a fruit salad and kept finding a little man taste testing! He was VERY anxious for the party to start
Checking it all out!!
Blowing our the "fire!" .. I picked up His cake Friday afternoon (his party was Saturday) and he really REALLY wanted to taste it but I said he had to wait for his party. He came up close to me with his pointer and thumb a distance away and said, "but how about this taste?" I said no. He moved them closer, "how about this taste?" I said no. He moved them closer (almost touching) and said, "how about thiiiiisss little taste?' I said no. Then throwing his hands to his side, he said, "But moooom, it says 'Happy Birthdy to Atticus!" Man I miss him
He got his first bike from Mom and Dad and LOVED it.
He called it his "bicycle" not his bike!!
For the 3rd year in a row I wondered why I even bothered getting him presents. All this boy needed was balloons. We had to tie them to his bed for a birthday nap!
Turning 3 is exhausting!!
Oh. My. Goodness. We had SO much fun. We have such amazing friends, so get-together's are always a blast. Atticus was very specific on three things 1.) He wanted another CARS party 2. He wanted a dinosaur cake with cars on it 3. He wanted party hats!
We bounced and jumped and slid for hours.
This hot wheels track became his absolute favorite toy. Right up till the end.
According to Atticus
Atticus has always been a talker. Always. I could write a book on the funny things he has said. Here are just a few of my favorites from 2011...
*I was getting him ready for the tub, so he was nudy booty. I said he had cute buns! He replied, "There not just buns mom. Their hot dog buns!"
*We talked a lot about the toys Santa makes at his work shop. When I said, "Santa makes all kinds of toys bud." HE said, "No, the elves make the toys and Santa says, 'Good job! Good job'!"
*I was nursing Isaac, when he tip-toes in and whispers, "Psst! Mom! I got married one time. To a girlfriend. I've got rings in here (pats his jean pocket)!"
*I don't remember what exactly he was doing but he said, "I am loving my stuff!"
*In his prayers, "Please bless my golf swing."
*While at a friends house to play (Charlotte, Jene's daughter, we hadn't lived in the area for long.. crazy how much as changed and how close we are now) Jene told me that the two of them walked around for a little bit then Atticus said, "Charlotte, I want go home. You only have GIRL toys." To which Charlotte started to cry. Jene told me that Atticus was rubbing her arm comforting her saying, "It's okay Charlotte. Next time you can come to my house, I have cooler toys!" AWESOME!!!
*On our way to Target one day he asked me if he could get a toy... ME: We'll see buddy. A: Okay! If you say YES, I'll be like 'Whooo-Hoo! Your the best mom. (he said it with a lot of enthusiasm). If you say NO, I'll be like, 'UGH. Why didn't you say yes mom.'
*After a baseball game he said, "Sorry I got my pants dirty mom. I had to slide into the bases. I'm a real baseball player now.
*Mom, Isaac is on Santa's good list. I'm on Santa's good list. But you.... your on Santa's boring list!"
*(We were driving in the car listening to Silent Night)... A: Mom, this is NOT a Christmas song Me: Sure it is. It's silent night. Like we sing in primary A: Mom, Christmas is NOT about Mary and baby Jesus. He was already born. We celebrate His REAL birthday. You know, like birthday birthday... He's getting older. Not being born!
*(Jocelyn watched Isaac so that Eric and I could take Atticus on a date)... "Mom! Your forgot to tell Jocelyn to be gentle with my brother!" Atticus was SOSOSOSOSOOOO excited for our date. We had him take a late nap so we could see an 8:30pm showing of 'Arthur the Elf.' When I told him it was time to get ready his face lit up and he told me that he needed is plaid shirt and spikes in his hair! He wanted to be handsome!
* Mom sometimes I don't want to be myself so I'm going to change into something else. Like magnet man!"
*(he wanted to go in the front yard without me) "Mom, I'm a big kid. I'm just going to check if someone took our mail. I promise if a stranger comes I will fight him."
*I was hurrying to get us out the door... when Atticus said, "Whoa! Whoa! Take your time."
*On the way home from church he said, "You know what mom and dad? I have a testimony. About Jesus Heavenly Father and Missionaries!" (It was a pretty awesome moment for us!)
*He loves to make up songs. He will sing them to primary hymn tunes but makes up all sorts of crazy lyrics.
*Mom I don't like bedtime. I only like summer!
*I overheard him talking to Isaac in his baby voice, "Ikey can you say Atticus? Say Atticus?"
*A: Mom, can we play baseball...But don't throw them high. Just medium. Cause look (arms waving at his body)... I'm not big like you. Me: (pulling him on my lap) I'll be sad when your big like me. A: But guess what? I'll still be Atticus. I'll never have another name. I'll just be your family forever. Me: (teared up and gave him a big fat kiss)
*Mom! There is totally a potato bug in our house!
*Mom... I just need a chocolate hot steamer.
*While saying his bedtime prayer he asked Heavenly Father to "please send him to Nephi's land so he could help battle with strong power bands!"
*Atticus would ask every day, in the beginning, "Did I hold Isaac today?" and if he hadn't he said, "Oh! Weeeell, I better hold him then!"
*I have a question to tell you..."
*"Will you please kindly...."
*"Are you FOR REAL?"
*"Are you SHOCKED mom?"
*"It's BIG. Like compelious big!" (no idea where that word came from but he loves to say it)
*"Uhhhhhh, maybe we should get a good idea!"
*"Mom look! I'm gettin' my groove on!"
*Stacie asked Atticus where he was born... "In a stable!"
*Eric was telling a story about a frustrating situation and Atticus got very in to the story so when Eric said "he wished the situation would stop" Atticus said, "NO DAD! YOU NEED TO SAY IT MEANER!"
*Everything is all year. "Mom but I want to stay at the park all year!"
*In his prayers he was always grateful for Jesus and his primary class. One night he said, "And grateful that mommy and daddy put me in time out (very long pause) when I talk a little bit feisty!"
*He was also very particular about blessing the food. It's not just thank you for the food but, "grateful for white rice and broccoli and the chicken that I don't like."
*We were all sitting on the couch the other night when Atticus piped up and said, "Ugh. I am SO not cozy!"
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the things that came out of this kids mouth...
I think I'm in shock. I have been so emotional the last 3 weeks and cried so much, I really think I'm in shock. I'm drownding right now. His birthday is here but he is gone. It so surreal. I've been awake since 3am (its 5am) not knowing what to do with myself. Normally I would have set up his party decorations after he went to bed. He would wake up to a birthday banner with a big #5 on it. We would eat a birthday breakfast which would probably have been McDonalds or donuts or something involving bacon and sausage. He would be super anxious for his party to start and would probably be asking me every five minutes when his friends would get here.
I feel like we were just starting to get to know him. He was just starting to shape the personality that would stay with him. We were just starting to get glimpses of him growing up and the trouble we were going to be in ;). It's hard not to feel ripped off. He and Isaac were just starting to really interact and play before he was diagnosed. He had just started "Little Kickers" soccer. We only got 4 years. Four teeny tiny years, when this boy had so much personality he could have filled 400 years. I don't even know what to say.
Doesn't the word "cancer" sound so harsh. I never thought that before, then it came pounding our door down. I know that he's whole and happy and that we will be together again. But it still hurts. I still miss him. I know that Atticus suffered and it hurts. It's something you can't even imagine. Being without one of your children.
I realize that cancer is not "Atticus" and that his life involved more than just cancer but when you watch your child one minute ride his bike, race cars, look at the calendar to see if it's a soccer day, to not being able to see out of one eye, not be able to eat without biting his cheeks causing them to bleed, cry because his arms aren't strong enough to hold a ball that he use to be able to throw with ease, go from running speed lightning fast to being in a wheelchair, your heart wants to explode. You want to run and scream. When you go from reading stories playing games and snuggling a growing boy, to laying on the floor in his room holding a porcelien hand mold in tears, it's hard to put one foot in front of the other.
It's hard to not think that instead of watching him grow, his body is in the ground. His spirit in heaven. He's is not in my arms. I don't get to hear his funny saying's anymore. I don't get to take him to preschool, baseball, soccer, play dates. A new elementary was built in Sunnyvale and every time we would drive past it Atticus would ask us when he got to go there. We would say soon, with the biggest pit on our stomachs. Eric later told me that he hated that school and cringed every time he drove past it. We weren't going to be taking Atticus there.
Some times I worry that we are being judged and watched... "When are they going to get over it?" or "When are they going to get back to normal?" I worry that we are becoming a burden. Still requiring so much help. We really are trying. But its so hard. Our life has changed. Everything has new meaning. Anytime the words "death, dead, or died" is said in a song, a joke, a movie, whatever, we are instantly brought back to our sons death. Anytime the word, "heart rate" or "heart beat" is said, I am instantly brought back to my hand on my sweet boy's chest, feeling his heart stop. Roadkill, is heart breaking, the stiff animals bodies bringing me back to when I dressed Atticus for the last time. I was cleaning up the pumpkins we too to the cemetery for halloween and as I picked it up, bugs came out and I burst in to tears thinking, "Is this whats happening to my sweet little boys body, is he getting eaten by bugs?" Eric and I went to see the movie 'Lincoln' and were brought to tears. Death is seriously in practically every TV show and movie. We cry at grocery stores, at CrossFit, at church. Anytime the word brain is brought up I get a pit in my stomach. There is a TV commercial that I hate, Its surgeons working on a brain, getting the guys arms to move or something like that, and I am so tempted to write in and tell them how offensive it is. That to some of us, seeing an open brain like that is heart breaking, because our sons brain was covered with tumors. It's hard to escape.
I miss him. My heart hurts. For me, my sweet husband whom I love so so much. For my sweet Isaac. Isaac doesn't get to know his personality like Eric and I did and do. We talk about Atticus all the time and I hope that as Isaac gets older he will somehow remember their time together. My heart hurts that with as much as I'm hurting, with as much as I ache, with as much sadness is in my soul, our Savior felt it and more. I know the gospel is true. I know the Lord loves us and is mindful of us. I know, oh my goodness I know, that Atticus is a choice spirit. That he "unlocked SO MUCH good." I know that he is one heck of an angel. That in the grand scheme of things this life will be just a blink of an eye. I know that our Redeemer lives. That because of him we might live again, be a family again, hold our Atticus again. That Eric and I will get our chance to raise him again. Knowing that is was keeps me from giving up (that and of course my family). It doesn't make it easier or take the pain away but it keeps us going. I realize no one picks their trials, or forsee's hardship but dang.... this has knocked us off our feet.
I do want to so thank you. Knowing that people still read our blog, means so much to me. It really does. Not in a braggy sort of way, but in a "people still care" sort of way. Thank you for your comments. Thank you to my amazing friends who keep Isaac, brings meals, send us text mgs, drop in to check on us. I have been very humbled through this experience. I hope that I can one day repay your kindness. You will never know how grateful we are because words don't do it justice. From the bottom of our hearts thank you. Thank you for loving us and for loving our sweet Atticus.
Today, Atticus would have turned 5....
Happy Birthday sweet Angel. We love and miss you so very very much. xoxo, Daddy Mommy and Isaac.
47 comments:
Happy birthday sweet Atticus! You are one extra special kid!
Don't ever, ever think of yourself as a burden. Friends take care of each other. I love your testimony. I love you. I hope that you can have a day filled with happy thoughts of your Atticus.
Happy BIG 5, Atticus! I hope you have a happy day in heaven filled with lots of balloons and matchbox cars as we pray for your family to be strong on this very hard day! Cindy, ever since my sister's diagnosis/death of a brain tumor last month, i HATE comments that derogatorily refer to the brain like, "I had a brain freeze". It makes me shudder and reminds me of the pain she, Atticus, and others endured. With the tragedy of this past weekend, maybe Atticus and my sister are showing the Sandy Hook kids around heaven. I cannot imagine your pain - losing a sister is hard enough! Please remember that "strangers" really do care and love you. Your testimony and honesty have inspired me to be a better person. I hope today brings a tiny bit of happiness in knowing that Atticus is yours forever. I've heard it said that a lifespan of 72 years is like being away from God for 45 hours. Imagine what you would fill your life up with for those 45 hours before you embrace Atticus again. Somehow 45 hours doesn't seem that long. As difficult as it is, maybe this perspective will help a teeny, tiny bit! Hang in there!
That was absolutely beautiful. I love this post. Oh how we love that Atti-bug. He came up with the best comments. I am so grateful for the love and support you feel from so many people.
Happy Birthday, Atticus. We sure love you!!!!!!
AHHH I really need to use my phone and not Zeb's computer to comment. I'm the worst with forgetting to log in as LEAH. xoxo
Happy Birthday Atti...
We love you, AND your sweet family
Happy Birthday to your sweet, sweet boy!!! Hope you feel his incredible spirit today and that your mind and heart are filled with precious memories and love for such an incredible angel.
Happy Birthday Atticus!!!
With tears in my eyes I want to say Happy Birthday to the little man who has touched my heart and soul. Who has made me become a more understanding patient loving person. Who I think of every day and say a pray for his parents. We love you!
we have never met - but Atticus has touched my life, and my family's life forever. I will always read your blog because I feel that his story has not ended. He still has so much to teach all of us.
Happy Birthday Atticus, you truly are one amazing kid and I really wish my family and I had the pleasure of meeting you. You are forever in our hearts.
Happy 5th Birthday sweet Atticus. I love you little buddy. Cindy.. Loved this tribute. I was teary and grateful for the insights to his heart and head. He is the cutest!! Love his one liners. Thinking of you ALL DAY LONG today.
Love you.
xoxoxo
Ang
Happy Birthday Atticus! This post was so beautiful, happy, funny, and sad all bundled into one. Thank you for still writing--I look forward to reading your blog. It has helped me be a better mom and a better person.
Happy birthday, Atticus! What a beautiful tribute to a special boy. Hansen family, I hope this day is full of happy memories and that you have more good days than bad in the coming months. I still think about and pray for you often.
Happy Birthday, Atticus!
cindy, i'm marsha asay's daughter. she told me about atticus a long time ago and i've been following your blog since the beginning of 2012. he was a sweet sweet boy and i never got to know him personally but he has touched my life. NEVER feel like a burden. you need to mourn. i wish i could reach out and hug you. you'll get through this. i'm sure he's up in heaven looking down on you, so happy for the time he got to spend with you, and looking forward to seeing you again. we're so lucky to know that we can meet our loved ones again someday! won't that be a special day for you! i'm sorry it has to be so painful right now but i have faith you'll make it through, with the wonderful memories you have of your sweet little atticus, and with the knowledge you have of the gospel. keep trying, keep praying, keep hoping.
you're in our prayers!
love, the willits (in utah)
Beautiful tribute to your AMAZING son. What a sweetheart and inspiration he was and still is to so many people. I love that you have a record of the cute and funny things he said. I was laughing out loud at them. He was so funny! I pray you will feel peace and comfort today. Much love to you Cindy.
Atticus sayings brought a smile to my face and makes my heart hurt at the same time. That was a beautiful tribute to your son. thanks for sharing.
Happy 5th birthday to your beautiful Atticus!! Your blog post was such a wonderful tribute to the life he lived. As always, I will be praying for your entire family.
Happy 5th Anniversary of becoming Parents! Even though I'm sure it is heart wrenching today because you miss your sweet boy so much, you still have a reason to celebrate. You have been parents for 5 years today, and amazing parents at that. I wish you peace and comfort on this hard day and that you will feel enfolded in the arms of your Savior.
We love this angel boy we never got to meet. You are such a loving mother and your posts mean so much.
Happy Birthday Atticus! You have forever touched our hearts! We hope your mom and dad can feel your sweet spirit on this special day. We look forward to meeting you some day. Love, the Knight Family
Happy Birthday Atticus. You have taught me so much. Cindy, you are an amazing mom. We care. a lot. Big hugs from Canada...
Happy Birthday Atticus! You are a brave and courageous soul. I've thought about you all day today. We love you!
I wanted to send a card, but didn't. So sorry. I am praying for your angel break throughs today.. that sweet Atticus will let you know he is happy! I am so sorry. I know there is only One who truly understands and can truly comfort. As we Celebrate the life of Him, and the life of your little boy - I hope for healing in his wings and peace your way. With love..
Happy birthday Atticus! I have a card for you but didn't get the address in time. It's a CARS card about doughnuts. I know you would have liked it because now I know so much about you! We never knew each other but you've changed my life for good. I can't wait to meet you someday.
Happy Birthday Buddy!
Happy Birthday! I don't know if you've ever seen this blog http://www.sullengers.com/ but they lost their sweet girl, who would have been 4 today. These 2 amazing angels share a birthday!
Thank you for sharing a little bit of Atticus with us. The pictures, stories, and quotes are priceless. I hope they bring you and Eric a few smiles on this hard day.
Cindy, You don't know us but we love your little family. I know today was probably hard but thats ok. What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful little boy. He certainly was such a special spirit and what an amazing personality. He must be so special to only have to endure the hardships and trials of this earth for only 4 years. I know that doesn't ease the pain for you though. We are praying for you. Happy Birthday sweet boy!
Happy Birthday Atticus!! I never got the chance to meet you, but through this blog I feel like I know you. My prayers are with your sweet family today, and every day!!
Cindy- I am a follower of your blog & have been since Atticus was first diagnosed! I have wanted to comment so many times, but never felt I had anything adequate enough worth saying to you! Not that I have anything better to say now other than-my heart breaks into a million pieces for you, Eric, Isaac,& the rest of your amazing family! You've endured more pain & suffering in a year then most people have had to endure in a lifetime! Please know that this stranger is sending you Positive thoughts on a regular basis & you inspire me to be a better mom!
I also have an "Atticus" who just turned 3 a month ago! There are so SO many things the two boys have in common-their love for cars & sports, their dislike for sleep, their charming wit & sense of humor, the big blue eyes & blOndish hair! I could go On & on! I often think of "your" Atticus when looking at my son and hearing the constant humor spill out of his mouth! Your Atticus has a very special place in my heart & I continue to keep you all in my thoughts often!
I can't even begin to imagine the pain & suffering you feel every second of every day! Please don't ever think of yourself as a "burden!" Every single thing you're feeling is your damn right! Pardon my language!
Your an amazing Mom. You're surviving as best as you can and hopefully sharing your thoughts and feelings with all of us is therapeutic in some way!
Happy 5th Birthday to an amazing lil man!
Happy Birthday to your sweet sweet boy--thanks for sharing more of him with us. You continue to be in my prayers-
Heidi
Hi Cindy,
I thought about you all day today, as well as Atticus of course. First of all, I want to thank you for bringing all of us on this journey with you. It takes a lot of courage for you to bare your soul with us. I hope that writing helps you sort through your feelings. I also want to thank you for sharing Atticus with us. I have gone back and read every single entry of this blog. I became so invested in your story that it became important to me to spend some time with Atticus during his healthy years, and I really enjoyed reading every post about him. He really was remarkable, and you and Eric did such an amazing job with him. What a smart little guy he was, thoughtful, witty, and full of faith.
Although I read every post of yours, I have only commented once or twice. Sometimes because I don't know what to say, others because I'm too emotional. You are in my prayers daily though and I will continue to lift you in prayer.
It's not fair what happened to him. I hate that your lives took such a harsh turn and that you will never get to see what could have been down that other road. I do believe, strange as it sounds, that Atticus was so blessed to be your son. That kiddo hit the jackpot with you as a mommy. Please don't dwell on the moments in which you feel you fell short. I promise that you and Eric were his world and he would not want you apologizing for being human.
You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart. Happy birthday sweet Atticus.
I always read your blog and you guys are always in my prayers. I've been thinking of you all day today and of sweet Atticus. I don't always comment on here because I feel like I don't know what to say, but I just want you to know that I'm sending my love and good thoughts to you on this day and every other day. I'm so sorry that you guys have had to go through this and my heart still aches for you. You mentioned how you feel like people might think "when will they get over it" but all the time I think "they are so strong". Even when I see you crying, I think you're amazing! Atticus was amazing too! Happy birthday buddy :)
Happy Birthday Atticus! Just wanted to let you know that I check in almost daily to see how you guys are doing. I pray that you will find peace in these days and know that your grieving never needs a timeframe. And from the mom of a little one also battling a brain tumor, I too hate that commercial!
Thinking of you today Cindy and Eric. Those things he said were hilarious. Way to go for writing them down. Kids are so smart!
I don't think anyone is thinking you need to get over it. Parents never get over their kids whether they are still with us or not. It's no wonder Heavenly Father wants us to become parents, there is so much to learn. The love you feel for your kids is like nothing else.
Thinking about the physical part of death can be very disturbing sometimes. Luckily there is another way to look at it too. I wonder if we thought the same of birth before we came here. "We're gonna come out of our Mom's what?!" :)
Birthday's are so special for parents, especially your first baby because your world changed forever. It's amazing, families, the plan of salvation, the whole thing. These spirits that we are blessed to have in our families are amazing.
You did a great job making Atticus' birthdays great ones. I'm sorry you weren't able to be with him physically today. That was a great post! You really have helped me be a better mom!
Happy Birthday Atticus!
I sent a card (and we have never met), but it was a little late, so it might not get there until the 18th or the 19th. But I wanted to tell you that while I was out and about yesterday, I was thinking about Atticus. All day. He was a very special, amazing little boy and I'm happy to have gotten to know him through your words. He has made my life better. :)
Beautifully written.
Atticus is one special young man that has wonderful parents.
I laughed right out loud at "please bless my golf swing" and the one about blessing the chicken he didn't like! He sounds like quite a kid. Happy Birthday Atti!
I hope that throughout the day you were able to find some kind of peace. I am so greatful to know that you know you will see him again. Don't EVER feel bad for the way you mourn! You will always have your hard days but I pray that they will get easier.
Just another reader from UTAH!
Thinking of you and I have been following your story. You are all an amazing family. I used to work at St. Jude Children's Research hospital. My passion is finding cures for children's brain cancers. My thoughts and prayers with you.
I am a stranger that reads and loves your blog. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy. You are a wonderful example of love and have inspired me to be a better mom. Thank you.
My heart hurts for you guys. I am a total stranger and have read your blog through discovering about your story on Babycenter when Atticus was first diagnosed. I can't imagine how hard his birthday was for you all this year and how Christmas will be. My little boy is 4 1/2 and we prayed for Atticus many nights during our bedtime prayers. I pray that you all can find joy and peace this Christmas. I appreciate your honest, thoughtful blogs. They make me laugh and cry.
Happy Birthday to Atticus!
And, we have not forgotten the Hansen family. I check in to your blog regularly, and read your Facebook posts. You are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart is with you on the Christmas day.
Although we have never met, I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and your precious Atticus on Christmas today. You have been an amazing Mommy to both your boys and an inspiration to us all. Thank you for that gift. Also I still think of Atticus often. He will always be remembered. Hugs to you... ~Jenny
A very sweet and tender post. Today my husband saw a TV commercial for St. Jude's Childrens Hospital, he rewound it for me to see a picture of a little boy with a brainstem glioma which is what our four-year-old daughter had. On Atticus's birthday it was 21 years and 3 months exactly since our daughter passed away. It makes us sad that after this many years children still have these tumors. We don't ever forget, we just get through it, and so will you. You are amazing. I loved reading all of Atticus's sayings... what a sweet, sweet boy. Thank you for sharing.
Every time I read your blog, I think that you must be a wonderful mother you are and that Atticus is a wonderful little boy. You know him so well! You remember everything about your little boy because you love him so much! Thank you for sharing your heart and being so honest. You're helping me to be more patient, to give more of my time to my family, and to pay attention to the little details that make our children so wonderful.
Hi Hansen Family -
We've never met but I feel like I know you from following Atticus's journey to heaven. I can imagine how difficult this year of "firsts" is for you. My nephew passed when he was 6 years old and I still think of him every single day. (We were very close. I stayed at the hospital with him the last 3 months of his life. It was so hard to see him decline - he had Cystic Fibrosis - but I wouldn't trade a second of our last few months together.) When our sweet Christopher passed, our pastor shared a couple of thoughts with us and I want to share them with you. He said, "Christopher was God's child and he was never ours to keep. God called him home when his work here on earth was done." Hard to believe that a 6 y/o (or your 4 y/o)'s job here on earth would be done at such a tender age. But I can honestly say that Christopher impacted so many people. To this day, people talk about what an amazing boy he was (he passed away in '89)! There are at least 6 kiddos that have been named after him. Amazing!! Your Atticus will have the same impact. I can tell by all the comments from those like me - we are strangers but Atticus will forever be imprinted on my heart.
The other thing our pastor shared with us is this: "What would the streets of gold in heaven be like without children?" As painful as it is, everyone needs children - even the sweet souls in heaven. When Christopher passed, I've always imagined that he welcomes all the little souls into heaven. I wonder if he's met your sweet Atticus! :)
Admittedly, these thoughts may be more helpful a few years down the road when your grief is not so raw, but I found that they've helped me over the years - especially when I hear of another sweet little boy who's made his way to heaven.
I hope you all are well and I pray that God eases the pain in your hearts.
- Toma C.
Its been a while since ive been to your blog but your family popped into my head today. Happy belated birthday Atticus! Sending prayers your way!
Happy belated birthday Atticus!! Hang in there. It will get easier. The hurt is still there but it gets easier. Losing someone you love with ever fiber if your being is unbearable. But, you will get through this.
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