Never have pictures meant so much to me.....
Thank you, Channing, ChemeNn, Nicole, and Kristi. You captured our family perfectly.
BOSTONIAN PHOTOGRAPHY click HERE
CHEMENN PHOTOGRAPHY click HERE
KRISTI PHOTOGRAPHY click HERE
BERRETT PHOTOGRAPHY click HERE
Nicole also took these amazing pictures back fall 2008 and spring 2009...
Atticus was 11 months old
Here is is 16 months old
It's been a very hard, emotionally exhausting, heart-wrentching few days... weeks and months really. Eric and I are holding on, but at times, just barely. Sleep is impossible. The silence is brutal. The "missing" is at times, more than we can bare. My arms feel so empty and the pit in my stomach, I swear, gets bigger everyday. I woke from a dream Sunday night that Atticus was calling my name. I was so confused because he sounded so close, but I couldn't figure out how.... he can't walk. Then I realized it was just a dream and I fell a part. He's not coming back. Not in this life at least. It sure makes me grateful for the gospel and eternal families. I cannot imagine going through this with out knowing I WILL see him again. That I will ALWAYS be his mom. But my goodness 65+ years sure seems like a long time.
I know we will get through this but sometimes I really wonder how. Thankfully there is Mr. Isaac. Eric and I both feel that Heavenly Father sent us Isaac to help get us through this. That Isaac's special mission is to remind us that happiness is still here. To not give up. To kiss his chubby cheeks when we are missing Atticus'. Atticus' mission was to come and, as the poem states, "unlock the love" and Isaac's special mission is to keep it here. He's our saving grace.
If you are reading this and/or looking at these sweet pictures, thank you for your continued love and support. I will continue to blog just as I did before "cancer" but will have to do it as my body is able to process our new life and journey. Im trying to remind myself that just as I was bound and determined to be the best mom possible for Atticus during his illness, I can be, in time, equally as determined to be the best mom possible for Isaac... Im going to give myself a few "get out of jail free" cards first. I have some good cries to take care and some pity parties to throw and I think I am allowed a few or 50.
52 comments:
I think you are allowed a million!! These pictures make my heart break, beautiful and sad all at the same time! The ones of atticus and his lil chunk are the most touching!! I am a stranger that after following your blog has grown to love your family and feel soo sad for you all that atticus has passed . God bless you all and somehow some way may you both find the strength to live each day with issac better than the day before. As a mom myself to 5 i dont know how you "go on" after the loss of a child. I dont think you do, ever. But thankfully issac will make existing in this life still worth living after one of the most precious angels on earth has gone back to heaven, sweet atticus:-)
I have always thought Atticus was truly one of the cutest little guys in the whole wide world- and he's not even my kid! :) The pictures are amazing, what a gift.
You are allowed a good cry and a pity party whenever you need one, just don't forgot there are those of us who are willing to cry with you. Its my belief that sharing your pain with those of us that are willing- will make it more bearable for you both. So lean on us. We are here for you. xoxo
I've been reading your blog for while. Your guys strength and courage is amazing. Atticus touched a lot of people's lives and I know he is so happy now being pain free and free of physical limitations. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you guys.
Rachel
Oh man I love the pictures. There are so many that are just priceless treasures. The ones of the boys is pure love is showing between each boy. I love all of them each and every one show amazing love. I love you guys
Time to take care of YOU! You have a pass for the next rest of your life or so.
Cindy,
Thank you for sharing these beautiful pictures of your precious family. You guys are on my mind and in my prayers everyday. My heart aches for you and I want to give you a giant hug. So many people know and love you, especially your family and Heavenly Father and his own loving son, Jesus Christ - there will lie you comfort. You can have all the pity parties you need! You are an amazing young woman and I have ALWAYS thought that. Keep going Sista! Love you guys, Sybel
Beautiful pictures Cindy and Eric! Your story has touched my life, and so I will continue to read and you continue to write.
Thank you for sharing these precious photos! Such a loving, eternal family...I will continue to pray for all of you as you try to adjust to this new stage of life.
Cindy and Eric - I continue to pray for your family and will continue to do so. The pictures are beautiful, the ones of Atticus and Issac are just absolutely precious.
Grief is like the waves of the sea. Some times, you are getting just a little, and sometimes, it all comes crashing down on you. You are not alone. There are so many people who your lives have touched and who are better for the experience. We thank you for sharing this little part of your journey with us. Please know that you are still in our prayers.
Beautiful pictures! I can't even imagine how priceless those pictures are to you and your family.
We are strangers, but your story has touched my heart beyond words. After reading about Atticus's passing it makes me ache to be a better parent. Just the other day my daughter was in the backseat, throwing a fit about something, and just as I was about to lose my patience I thought, "Christina, you can't! What sweet Atticus's parents wouldn't give to have him around, throwing a fit" I can't imagine your pain, I can't imagine how broken your hearts are, but please know, just as I prayed for your family each and every day, since I found out about Atticus, I will continue to do so, now for comfort for your broken hearts.
Love and prayers,
Christina Gomez
You are such an amazingly beautiful family and incredible inspiration to us all.
Cindy, I think about you all day and night. I have been following you as well since the beginning of this. I have never felt so much love and concern for someone I have never met. You will continue to have my love and support and tears and heartbreak. From one daughter of God to another. I'm really so sorry. I just can't imagine what you are going through. But on the same token I can tell you are so strong! Thank you for your example.
Love you girl,
Kim shaffer ( las Vegas)
The pictures are beautiful. You are allowed as many pity parties and crying jags as you need. I'm glad you will still keep blogging though. I know I'm not alone when I say that I want to continue to hear from you and listen to all the fun things Isaac is doing as well as listen to your thoughts about Atticus.
Those pictures are such treasures! I adore the one near the top where Atticus is kissing Isaac. All of the ones with the two brothers melted my heart. What a blessing for Isaac to have had such a protective and loving brother. And what a blessing to know that Atticus will be able to now protect his little brother in ways that he couldn't before! I love your little family. You're doing amazing. Your in my constant thoughts and prayers.
Love, Kristen
If there is a single thing I can do for you -- from my far away home, please let me.
crazymommy1@gmail.com
I love all these pictures! It was especially fun to see the ones of Atticus when he was younger. Such handsome boys! I think about your family constantly and continue to pray for you daily. Just allow yourself to grieve however you feel you need to. Have all the pity parties you need to and know that people love your family and continue to pray for you. I hope you feel the comforter at this time.
Thank you for sharing your journey. It is such a selfless gift to share where you've been and what you are going through, so thank you.
Be patient with yourself, and draw on strength from the Heavens! I'm certain there's an adorable little guy there who will be allowed to comfort as he's able.
Wishing for your peace and sending love from a stranger who admires from afar.
Love love LOVE the pictures!!
Those pictures are beautiful memories! Thank you for continuing to inspire with you strength and faith!
Atticus's life and story and changed me in so many ways. Thank you for sharing it with complete strangers, because I know he has touched so many of us. I just want to hug you, I don't know what else to say, he was truly beautiful and is even more beautiful now I'm sure. Take all the time you need.
those pictures are stunning. breath-taking even. i love love love the cowboy hat picture. i too still think about your family constantly and pray daily for you and eric to feel peace and comfort. you are one amazing lady cindy. i hope you know how much YOU have impacted my life as well. always remember, when lifes too hard to stand, kneel. sending lots of love to you guys! xoxo
Cindy, your pictures are amazing and will be cherished forever! Your boys are so handsome.
You and Eric are the ones that need comforting at this time but I think all of us strangers/friends/family want to share words to comfort you, but we keep coming back to read your blog to comfort us as well.
I have been following your blog for a while now and keep coming back to the same thought... I lost an infant daughter in 2007 and at that time I craved good books to read that shared our same gospel perspective for comfort. Although there were a few, my choices seemed very limited. I think YOU would write an amazing book.
Both of you have shared your testimonies, words, and thoughts about Atticus and this trial that you have been put through, and in the meantime you have captivated the hearts of those close and far. You have a truly unique and amazing perspective on life and life after death. Thank you for sharing it with us and letting us into your hearts and home.
XX
you have been built tough. you never cease to amaze me.. I love you!
Though I do not know your family I have been so inspired by your faith. Your children are so lucky to have you as parents. I have felt impressed that I should share this article with you...
http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-26-Sun-2006/living/5987837.html
I love all the beautiful pictures! My heart aches for you. You will continue to be in our prayers for a while.
"Atticus' mission was to come and, as the poem states, "unlock the love" and Isaac's special mission is to keep it here. He's our saving grace."
Beautiful Cindy. There aren't even words.
A whole lot of love to your family. I have only known you recently through Stamp with Linz and your blog. Our son has had a less dramatic but never-the-less 3 year journey through cancer. I am so sorry for your loss. We don't know what the future holds for any of our children but I hope I can be as strong and faithful as you. Please do take care and keep your courage. I believe he was close as you dreamed and is even though you can't physically see him and I am so with you. When life is hard life expectancy seems a mile stone soooo far away. Lots of love! xxxxx
Hi Cindy and Eric,
I am a good friend of kelly Orlando. I was in town visiting her the weekend that Atticus was diagnosed. I have been following your blog ever since. You are trully amazingly strong people. I have been praying for you and thinking about you and your family so much. I have 3 boys 4 and under and we have crazy days but you have made me love each moment with them and appreciate even the worst tantrums. I will continue to pray for peace for you and Eric and Issac in this grieving process. I just cant imagine. Thank you for your words in this blog..it has really touched me and made me feel like we can make it through anything. Thank you.
God bless
I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I think of your family on a daily basis. Your pictures are beautiful and I am so glad you were able to get so many taken. It is a wonderful gift to be able to look back and remember. Jake asks about Atticus almost every day. He was very upset he was not able to go to his funeral. We have had some major discussions about him. He has touched so many lives and will continue to do so. You are amazing and constantly in our thoughts and prayers.
Heidi
Cindy,
You and Eric have remained in our thoughts and hearts, and prayers. We will keep praying for strength, peace, and comfort for you. You were a part of our fast this Sunday. We can't imagine the pain you are going through. These pictures are priceless and so beautiful. They capture Atticus' spunk, spice, and his gentleness and tenderness, and the immeasurable depth of love that you all have for one another. I love his adorable baby and toddler pics too--gosh he is truly one of the cutest little boys ever. Thank you for sharing his story, your story. You are amazing, and you can fall apart as much as you need to and still be every bit as amazing. You have been through the hardest thing there is. We actually received our Angels for Atticus bracelets on May 27th, and they mean so much to us, and we have been wearing them, and will always treasure them. We have never actually met you all, or precious Atticus, but know that we really do love you. We love Atticus. He is so special. With much love,
Maria, McKay and Scarlett Smith
You will get through this. My sister lost her husband 3 years ago. At first it's so hard...but, time heals. It really does. Hang in there. Keep blogging. Keep being the wonderful wife and mother that you are. Oh, and never stop praying. :)
Cindy & Eric, know that there are many people like myself who don't know you personally, but are praying for you. I can't imagine how I would handle what you're going through, but I take comfort in knowing that families are forever. Thanks so much for allowing us to follow Atticus's journey.
Dear Cindy,
You are amazing! I do hope you can find a moment for yourself, probably won't be in the next couple of days/weeks...
Your family has touched me as well as so many around this planet; Atticus will never be forgotten and we all hold you in our thoughts and prayers for healing and comfort. Your pictures are beyond amazing--get a zip drive and put them all in a digital frame so you can view them everyday.
xoxo
Your friend from CA--Julie
We are so sorry to hear about your loss. I am sure you are lonely for him.
Priceless pictures. The love you have for your family is seen in every shot. God bless you. Prayers and hugs from new Orleans, la.
Beautiful pictures with lots of special moments captured!! I look up to you Cindy for who you are and how amazing you are ( my gosh are you incredibly positive and strong too) I have so much respect for you- you are an inspiration!
Thank you!!
You will treasure these photos forever. They are absolutely beautiful.
Cindy, we all love you! I am always going to read your blog because you are such a sweet and super positive person. I hurt for you and Eric. Just know that we are all here for you. Keep hugging that lil chunk of yours and know how much your sweet little Atticus has touched all of our lives, he will never be forgotten. My kids love saying " laugh it up fuzzball".... Atticus had some great one liners....I am sure he is the life of the party in heaven.
Hugs to you strong one!!
Thank you for sharing these beautiful pictures. I can only imagine how hard it is to look at them right now. Love to you and your family.
I remember when you had those 11 month and 16 month pictures of Atticus taken, and I saw them on your blog and thought he was so impossibly cute. He looks just like the kid from "Meet the Robinsons"!
I love the ones of Atticus and Isaac together especially.
I am continually impressed and inspired by your strength. You are both amazing parents. Thank you for consistently posting on your blog. We are so far away but still think of our friends back in Texas all the time. Cindy I can't get this memeory out of my mind: We were at the workman's playing in the back yard when Atticus got stuck climbing up the jungle gym. You threw down your cucumber and raced to his aid. It was only a matter of a few short seconds before you had him wrapped in your arms. You have always been the best kind of mom. I have always watched your good example in awe. We love you Hansens and we wish we could be there for you. Our prayers will continue to be with you.
Cindy what an amazing mother you are. Your sons are so beautiful. I cry with you and stand by you. You have millions of prayers coming at you and your family every day and through the night.
Pictures are such treasures. Each one I find of Jonas (even if its blurry or just a hand) I put it in my "Jonas" folder. I know each picture I have in there and when I run across one I have never seen it makes my heart soar! I'm so glad I have them. Some days they make me sad and other days so happy, but just the same....they are priceless treasures. xoxo
I am a friend of Ezra Castro and he shared your blog on FB & I have been praying for your family. I am sorry for the loss of such a beautiful son. I would really still like to order bracelets if they are avialble. May God continue to give you strength and comfort. God Bless ♥
Veronica Lopez
Cindy,
You are the most photogenic person I have ever seen. Those photos are priceless I am so glad you have them. You are so right, I don't know how people survive the lose of a loved one, especially a child without the knowledge of the gospel, knowing you will always be his mom, will hopefully help you through these beginning days which will be the hardest. Lots of prayers are being sent your way.
Beautiful pictures! Thank you for sharing your family with ours. You will always have a special place in our hearts. May you have peace during this time of sorrow and know that you are loved.
you are amazing. I don't know how you've had the strength to keep your blog updated or function as gracefully as you have. I think you just might be superhuman! i'm grateful you have continued blogging. I've been clinging to your every post. you guys are such incredible parents. you've totally raised the bar & have made me pay much closer attention to my parenting abilities. i'm cherishing even the dullest of moments these days. somehow they don't seem so dull anymore. these pictures are so sweet. I love the one of the whole family where Atticus is peeking over your shoulders. the one of the boys wearing cowboy hats melts my heart too! we think of & pray for your family each day. (((hugs))) to you guys from Vegas!
Lovely pictures of a beautiful family. They make me smile and cry at the same time.
When we lost our son in July 2005 (he was 20 months old) I felt so many of the feelings you described. He was our oldest as well. I was pregnant with our second. It was the toughest 7 months of silence until Tyler was born. It tore me apart. I too am grateful for the gospel. I strive each day to become a better person and to help as many people, including my ancestors, to have the opportunity to have an eternal family. It took me 3-4 years to feel normal again. It improves each day. I still wish I could hold Parker in my arms….each and every day. But I am so grateful I am his mom. I am so lucky to be his mom! Please let m know if there is anything I can do to help… or even just to listen.
Lindi Shumaker
Orem, UT
lindimac@yahoo.com
Those pictures take my breath away. I love every single one. I'm so glad for pictures. Cindy I love you. I am here for you whenever you need me. Those around you are here to comfort you and help bear your burdens.
I am so grateful you have isaac. What a blessing that boy is. I love you.
My friend's daughter passsed away this past week and somebody posted this on facebook for my friend. I thought about you and thought you would like it too. It's so beautiful and so true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=556E2_S52i4
I was given your blog to follow by my Grandma. I am one of Brett's cousins. Anyways... what amazing pictures you have of your sweet family. My heart and soul go out to you in this devastating time. Your blog is such a reminder to enjoy what we have. Your strength and courage I'm sure will touch many as it has me. You deserve to shed as many tears as you need. I pray that you as well as your sweet family slowly start having more good days than cry ones. Thanks you for sharing your story and being such an example to others. Atticus is sure lucky to have such a wonderful mommy!
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