My funeral remarks

(Eric again) For those of you who were unable to attend the funeral on Saturday, I would like to post my remarks.

"Before I begin my remarks, and on behalf of my family, I need to publicly express my deep gratitude for the countless acts of service that have been rendered on behalf of Atticus and our family.  There are moments when words are completely inadequate to describe feelings, and this is one of those times.  To say that I have been astounded by your generosity and acts of kindness would be a gross understatement, your kindness has forever changed me as a person.  Your kindness has strengthened my faith and my testimony in the Gospel.  Seeing Heavenly Father's Children loving one another as we have been commanded to do has been truly amazing.  

Family, close friends, and complete strangers who are now friends have carried us through these past five months.  I am sad that I'm not able to publicly thank each of you by name.  Having said that, I do want to thank three groups of people.  First, I want to thank the many doctors and nurses who have cared for Atticus.  They truly loved and cared for our son as their own.   Next, I have to thank my law firm.  Over the past five months, their flexibility, generosity, and understanding has given me the greatest of all gifts - time with Atticus.  During that time, I have been able to be there for my son, to comfort him, to comfort Cindy, and to make priceless memories.  And for that I will be forever grateful.  Lastly, I want to thank what I like to call Cindy's angels - who are her and my moms, her and my sisters, her best friends and Atticus' teacher. You have been able to comfort my wife in ways that I cannot, so thank you.

     
Today, I know that Atticus is listening so if you all don't mind, I am going to speak to him today.  

Atticus, buddy, your Mom and I love you so very much.  Isaac loves you too - even though you nicknamed him 'captain destructo' and refer to him as 'the fat kid.'   And Atticus, just so you can feel at ease, Isaac and I had a little talk and he assured me that he won't destroy your hotwheels, or any of the rest of your toys..., much.  But he will miss his big brother. 

Atti, I haven't really told anyone but your mom and the bishop about this, but about a week before you were diagnosed with cancer, I had a very vivid dream that I was speaking at your funeral.  And when we sat in the hospital and listened to the doctors tell us that you had a brain tumor, I knew, deep down, that this day would come.  Because of that dream, I have thought long and hard these past five months to try and figure out what I am supposed to say.  And the thoughts that I keep returning to over and over in my mind is how proud I am of you son.  And that I am so proud to be your daddy.  I am so humbled that the Lord chose your mom and I to raise you.  I am humbled that the Lord thought we were all strong enough to handle this -- boy did we prove Him wrong.  Atticus, sometimes kids get asked who their hero is, and a lot of times, those kids will say that their dad or mom is their hero.  But son, I want to tell you that you are my hero. 

Atticus, your mom and I are proud of the way you loved life.   Since the time you were born, you had an unquenchable thirst for life.  There were never enough hours in the day for you to have fun, learn new things and to make people laugh.  Your mom and I have joked that you must have known that you didn't have much time in this life because you did everything early.  You walked early, you talked early, and unfortunately for us, you woke up early.   I'm glad you honored our deal and woke up at 5 in the morning when it was mom's turn to get up with you, and stayed asleep until 7 or later when it was my turn - your mom really loved that. 

Son, your mom and I are proud of the way you brought joy to people's lives.   I loved how you made people laugh, even when you weren't feeling good.  You were so funny at the hospital.  I hope you don't remember this but a couple of weeks ago, you were in a lot of pain.   Your cancer had spread to your spinal fluid and you had a lot of pressure in your brain and neck which caused you to have seizures.  After a 911 call and an ambulance ride to the hospital, you fell into a coma and the Doctors didn't think you were going to make it.  To try to alleviate the pressure on your brain,  Doctor Goldman performed a spinal tap.  Right as he was draining the pressurized fluid, you woke up.  Instead of crying because you had a needle in your back, or instead of asking for mom to comfort you, you looked down toward the doctor and asked 'Hey, who's messing with my underwear?'  When all the doctors and nurses burst into laughter, you said, 'laugh it up fuzzball.'     

Atticus, one more thing about that hospital visit; I know you were ready to go back to your Heavenly Father that day, but I want to thank you for giving us a couple more weeks.  Your mom and I weren't ready to lose you.  I know that these last few weeks have been tough, and I feel guilty for asking Heavenly Father to keep you here until last Sunday because I knew you were suffering, but we needed you for a little bit longer.  

Atticus, we're proud of the way you thought of others before yourself. We taught you to pray at an early age, and you have said such wonderful and heartfelt prayers.  I'm so proud that, instead of praying for yourself, you thought of others.  Most importantly, you prayed for your little brother Isaac.  I thought it was so sweet that even though you had cancer, you would ask the Lord to bless Isaac when he got a little cold, or when his teeth hurt, or when he was fussy.   I'm proud of the big brother you have become.  

Atticus I am so proud of the way you fought cancer.  You have taught us so much through your battle.  You have helped me more fully understand that happiness is a choice.  You taught me how to cherish each moment.  You have taught us all how to be proud of the the things we can do, rather than the things we can't.  Before cancer, you were such a great athlete.  You could run, you could jump, hit baseballs and play just about any sport.  I'm so proud of you that you didn't complain, but Son, I could see in your eyes how hard it was for you when your body deteriorated and didn't work the way it was supposed to.  You had to go through this in the beginning, when you were first diagnosed, and at the end.  But you would always find ways to be proud of yourself.  When we brought you home from the hospital both times, you were so proud when you could stand on your own, or when you could take a few steps.  And just a week ago, you were so proud that you could sit up by yourself.  I'm so proud of you, son.

Atticus, I also want to forgive you for a few things.  I forgive you for waking me up at night so many times in the past few years.  Even though Mom was the one to usually get up with you, you messed up my sleep cycles.   But I know I have forgiven you because I would give anything for you to wake me up again. 

I forgive you for telling me that I wasn't a very good singer.  You may remember a few months ago when I was singing you some primary songs before bedtime.  I was singing 'Scripture Power' and you stopped me and told me to go get Mom because I wasn't 'singing it right.'   I tried to sing a different song, but you stopped me again and said 'Dad, just go to sleep.'  I know I have forgiven you for that because I would give anything to sing to you again. 

Atticus, I forgive you for being a four-year old back seat driver.  Even though you have never driven so much as a go-cart, you felt that you were the proper person to critique my driving.  So I forgive you for telling me that I was going the wrong way, or for questioning my ability to find my way to the store.  I forgive you for telling me that if I didn't slow down, the police were going to take me to jail.  But I know I have forgiven you, because I would give anything to hear your voice from the back seat.  

Atticus, I forgive you for singing songs about princesses.  As a father, its difficult to watch your son dance around singing (in a high voice) the words "I am a pretty princess,"  but I guess it was ok because you always ended the songs by singing about how the princess went 'stinkers in her pants' and then laughed hysterically.   

Atticus, I forgive you for being our little four year old know-it-all.  For reminding me about our house rules, for telling me that I couldn't eat on the carpet, and for reminding me which words I couldn't say.    I forgive you for trying to use logic to convince me that it wasn't bedtime - your argument about daylight savings time was unconvincing - or for trying to tell me that you knew which cartoons were appropriate for you to watch.  But I know that I have forgive  you because I would give anything to let you stay up late.  You and your Mom and me, we would have a party. We'd pop popcorn and watch movies. Heck, I'd even watch Dora the Explorer with you. 

Atticus, I forgive you for hitting me in the head with the baseball that one day.  I forgive you for laughing hysterically when it happened.  I know that I have forgiven you because I would give anything to play ball with you again.  

Atticus, I want to thank you son.   

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for always running out to my car to see me when I got home from work.

Thank you for playing with me. 

Thank you for using your manners and for being polite.

Thank you for being such a sweet boy.

Most of all, I want to thank you for last saturday night, the day before you passed away.   It was about 11:30, and I thought you were asleep.  We were holding hands, and out of the blue, you turned to me and said, 'I love you mom and dad.'  I'll never forget that son.   

    

Atticus, I just have three more things to tell you before we have to part for a time.   

First, when you were diagnosed, I had a tough time understanding God's purposes.  I was never angry with Him, but I sure had a hard time understanding why you had to suffer so much, and why a four-year old had to go through this.  But I understand now, son.  I like the verses in John, 9:1-3, and I want to read them to you.   'And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?  Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. 

Atti, you have been an example to so many people.  The works of God have been manifest through your battle and your trial.  I am so proud of the way you touched so many lives.  Atti, I know how difficult these last five months have been, but Son, you did it.   You did it. 

The second to last thing I want to tell you Atti is how much I love your mom.  She is everything to me. You and Chunk and I are so lucky to have her.  You already know this, but she was the best mom for you could have ever hoped for. 

Atticus, we are fast approaching the moment when we have to part for a time.  The last thing that I want to tell you, you now have a perfect and first-hand knowledge of.  But, I want you to know that I know it. 

I know Jesus is the Christ.  I know that he lived, that he was crucified for our sins, and that he rose again on the third day.  And I know that through his atonement and resurrection we can be together again as a family. 

Atticus, I love you.  I already miss you so much.  Goodbye my sweet boy."