The Trevino's made the long drive from Utah to Texas for Thanksgiving. We are so glad they came. It gave us something to look forward to. We had a crazy wild fun time!!
The boys found alphabet stickers... and put them to good use!!
Isaac however, was more interested in becoming batman!
Rub-a-dub-dub three boys int he tub!
While Isaac napped, Jay and Charlie became artists and covered my fridge with happiness.
Jason has mason company, in UT "Kapono Rock"and redid our fireplace!
It looks AMAZING and makes such a big difference. THANK YOU JASON!
The benefit of living in Texas... you can take a wagon ride in shorts during November!
Prepping for the big day...
Chunk wanted to help at first... then he decided that eating was more fun.
Jay used the extra pie dough to make his very own pie!
Chunk taste tested the filling!
Wednesday we went to the Arboretum...
Stacie and Jason... we sure love them
Eric LOVES pictures!!
Silly boys (Charlie was asleep in the stroller)
Eric was "spinning" the pumpkin or at least attempting to!
Jay's sweet ninja moves
THANKSGIVING DAY...
The boys were cracking us up with their poses...
Trevino family
Hansen Family
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Pulling out the stuffing!
Isaac saw the rolls and said, "Mmm! Donuts!"
We did two birds. Both brined. One fried. One in the oven. Both yummy!
Cute centerpieces thanks to Auntie Jen!
...Dinner time...
Dessert time...
Pie is a big deal for us. So I made: pumpkin, pecan, cherry, dutch apple, and chocolate.
Stacie also showed off her baking skills... See's chocolates! I love her. Chunk does too, he loooves chocolate...
...and whipped cream. I promise I also feed him healthy food. I promise!!
Thanksgiving 2011
Prep cooking... We listened to Christmas music and chopped away!
I cannot believe this was last year. It seems so long ago.
My boys!
I love Atticus' face. He was always acting so cool and mature!
Man, I Just want to squeeze him.
So we made it. I was pretty somber Thanksgiving morning but we ended up having a good day. It was the day after Thanksgiving that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was done. I had reached my point and could handle no more. We were out and about with the Trevino's and I had to be dropped off at home.
It's been hard ever since. This Tuesday night Eric and I held each other and cried. It just isn't right. It feels so wrong and unnatural. You don't find joy in things you use to anymore. We love the holidays. Everything about them. Decorating, cooking, crafts... now we dread them and just want them to be over with. It's extreme emotions. One moment you are okay and think, "I can do this.... Let's put up the tree." The next second your in tears and want to chuck the tree out the window and turn off the Christmas lights. I can't look at his pictures, especially the cancer ones, I get such anxiety. It seems so unreal. It breaks my heart.
This is our reality. Some days/weeks are good and some days/weeks are so hard. We know we'll get through this but my goodness it is hard. Sometimes I feel this trial has made me insensitive to other's trials, and I am trying hard to counteract that. I'm trying to remember that just as people don't know exactly how I feel, I don't know exactly how others feel and to give them a break. To be more compassionate.
We will do this. We will survive. Moment by moment.
8 comments:
I'm glad you are so honest. Really...it helps me so much. Sometimes I think to myself, "How do people complain about their spouses? I just want one for myself." And that gets me to thinking that my trials are harder.
Don't get me wrong. I would take my trial every day of the week, and TWICE on Sunday before I would want to go through what you and Eric have gone through.
But knowing that others feel what I feel helps me remember that life happens to all of us, both the beautiful, good things, and the terrible, tragic things. And it is okay if sometimes I think something like that.
You are a trooper, that is one thing I know. I'm always in awe of your strength and devotion. And I admire that you admit to everyone how hard it is. I think that is sometimes the hardest thing of all. We all want to hide what we perceive to be weaknesses. However, on the other hand, you are taking care of Chunk and Eric and going on with life, as hard as that is. And you are doing it with a lot of grace... A LOT!!!
I'm not kidding around when I say that you are my hero. I have so much respect and admiration for you and Eric. Really. And I know a LOT of people who would say the same thing. You are very, very loved!
Holidays are so rough! I am so glad your sweet sister was there with you. Moment to moment and riding the waves. I suppose thats how its done. xoxo
Cindy, I'm one of the strangers who keeps reading your blog because of how strong and inspiring your family is. I can't even imagine the devastation you all were put through. I'm so, so sorry. It's not natural, you are right. It's awful and unfair. I have a four yr old boy, I hug him tighter every night. Please stay strong and know that your brave Atticus touched many lives and changed many people including my family. Thank you for your honesty and for pouring your heart out. Hugs
I'm so sorry to hear how hard it is. Too bad we just can't take your pain and suffering away. You have an amazing family and so supportive how sweet of Stacie and her family to come! You are seriously amazing and so inspiring even though you may think not. You truly are and have touched so many people's lives including mine. On a side note I can't believe you made five pies holy moly. I need to get into the pie making business maybe I can learn to be a yummy and pretty pie maker from you! Xoxo
Two turkeys and five pies...truly you are a superwoman in every way! I'm so glad you could be with Stacy and family through Thanksgiving. I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort, but I don't. Keep on going...you and Eric are amazing and I have no doubt that Atticus inherited his strength from the both of you! You will never know how much y'all have touched the lives of friends and strangers. Unprompted, Max and Tessa are still praying for "Atticus' and his family" (as are we, of course.) We love you guys. Thanks for being such an amazing example to all around.
I haven't been able to get you out of my mind for several days. You are in my constant prayers. Sure love you.
I know there are no words to take away the pain so I wont try. But just know we're still praying for you. We're rooting for you and Eric and know that you all still need those prayers of strength to get through. I love you so much!
A Grieving Parents Wish List
1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my son’s name. My son lived and was important and I need to hear his name.
2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my son, I wish you knew that is isn’t because you have hurt me. The fact that my son has died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and sometimes unexpected emotions are healing.
3. I wish you wouldn’t ignore or act like my son never existed by removing from your home his pictures, or other reminders of this special person who lived and made a contribution to all of our lives.
4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that is I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling. My erratic and unpredictable mood swings, from exhilaration to hopelessness, are as unpredictable by me as they are by you. This is part of my new “normal” life..
5. 5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separate. It is the ultimate tragedy in a person’s life.
6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you would not shy away from me. I need you and you need me.
7. I wish you knew of all the “crazy” grief reactions that I have are, in fact, are very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected follow the death of a child.
8. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. Pease do not think because my “time period” is over that I am a “former bereaved parent” but I’ll forever more be a “recovering bereaved parent”. Please don’t tell me how I should “cope” or that “it is time to move on” or “someday there will be closure”. The word “closure” is a convenient, faddish media term that is absolute and complete non sense and meaningless.
9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, be accident prone or forgetful, all of which may be related to my grief. I may become isolated and withdrawn for periods of time. I may not even be able to talk on the phone or return phone calls.
10. My son’s birthday, the anniversary of his death and holidays are terrible time for me. I wish you would tell me that you are thinking of my child and don’t try to coerce me into being cheerful. If nothing else, I wish you would call once in a while and say “hi, I was thinking about you”.
11. It is normal and good that most of us reexamine our faith, values and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully, come to some new understanding with my God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty.
12. I wish you would understand that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my son died and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting and encouraging me to “get back to my old self” you will be disappointed, discouraged and frustrated. I am a new creature, not by choice, but by circumstances, with new thoughts, new dreams, aspirations, goals, priorities, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me….maybe you will still like me.
----Anon
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