I want another day

(Eric again)

I want just one more day.  One more day with my sweet boy.  I'd take any day.  Good day, bad day, whatever.  I just want to see him again.  I want to hear his voice.  I want to see his smile.  I want to hear his laugh. I want to tell him I love him.  I want to think about him without the pit in my stomach, without the tears in my eyes, and without the hole in my heart.  I miss him so much.

Losing a child is bad enough, but losing a child to a battle with cancer is unbearable.  Since January, Atticus had become such a huge part of my and Cindy's life.  He was everything.  All the focus was on him.  Whether right or not, my attention was taken off of Cindy, Isaac, and even myself, and focused on Atticus.  He was my life.  Now that he's gone, I have to re-adjust my focus - it has been tough.  It's been easy to put the focus back on Cindy and Isaac, but a bit harder to put myself back together.   I am struggling to find joy in the things that I once loved.

I know the Atonement of Jesus Christ can help me heal, but sometimes, its hard to put on my spiritual eyes and see that.  It's easy to understand how the Atonement allows us to overcome physical death, and that Atti will live again.  But it is so much harder to comprehend that the Atonement can ease the pain I feel when missing my son.  It is a truth that I am desperately trying to learn and apply.

Having said all that, Cindy and I are doing ok.  We definitely have our ups and downs.  I am back to work (even though I sometimes need to close my office door and cry), and Cindy has had a couple of good days at home with Isaac.  I imagine it will be like this for a while.  Thanks for all the support you continue to give Cindy and I.

Eric